Ain't no Beach in MO

How Does My Husband Respond?

2006-01-03T19:04:00.000-08:00

I'm still caught in the foggy mist of withdrawal, but managed to send this note back to Gem several weeks ago in repsonse to her question in the comment section of the previous post. I figured my personal response to her might substitute for a current post, since my befuddled brain wants to update my blog but can't readily find the words. Keep in mind however that my mind was a bit fuzzy even then and my rambling is quite evident.

gem said...

How does your husband react to this style of 'schooling'? I had planned to be more organized, but we've kind of morphed into doing things more like you are. My husband, however, is highly doubtful about this development. He is constantly asking "Did you guys do lessons today?", "What lessons did you do today?", "Are you going to do lessons today?", you get the drift. I try to explain and he sits there with this look like "that's never going to work!". He's very supportive of homeschooling, I just think he imagined it more like, well, school.

That's a very good question. I do actaully have the exact same problem. The problem is compounded by the fact that I generally choose learning times when nobody else is home, due to distraction problems. We sit at the kitchen table for seat work and he and other family members will come in and out and ask me questions or get a snack or even start a conversation with me, totally distracting Anna (and me) who are already highly distractible.

Periodically, I get out any seat work we have done and show it to him. I also keep a list of all the books I've read to her and show it to him. I ask him to sit down and listen to her read. I use my 16-year-old son as a backup witness that she's ahead of what public school kindergartners would be learning.

Also... I went to our district office and got a copy of the scope and sequence they use in the public schools so I can show it to him and prove to him that she's not behind. I think this helped the most because no matter what I tell him, he didn't really know how do judge whether she was on target for her age.

He forgets she'd only be in kindergarten in public school. She's big for her age and her birthday is late-in September. We really finished the K work last year and are doing first grade work... Actually, she's even working at a 2nd grade level in math.

It's hard to compare her reading skills to those of children in public schools though... because I'm using phonics only. Her decoding skills are far superior to public school students, but she reads far fewer "sight" words. He's happy though after he listens to her read one of her little books.

She can be a bit of a show-off so I use that to my advantage by having her demonstrate her knowledge. Like I'll tell her to show her Daddy how she can count to 100 by 2's, 5's and 10's and he'll have to sit there and listen as she goes through the whole thing. He is also impressed by her increasing vocabulary. She made a comment about the "dazzling" (sp?) Christmas lights that quite impressed him!

I show him her math workbook, which is advanced, and her other completed work. I frequently insert into our normal conversation whatever smart thing she said or did or learned that day.

It is hard for him to understand that for us school doesn't look like "school". Learning just seems to happen. He needs proof that it is happening and I guess I just try as hard as I can to give him that proof. It's been especially hard for him as I've become so debillitated by the medication withdrawal. Laying in bed together looks even less like school than doing laundry!

I just remembered... I also have a checklist from the web, as well as sample kindergarten report cards, which I sometimes use by checking off the things she's learned and showing it to him. Then I show him a 1st grade check list! He loves those! He'll leave me alone for awhile after he sees it on paper like that.

This turned into a long ramble... just some ideas. I too started the year determined to have a set schedule and routine for school... but we're doing what works for us right now. He will admit that it's working, but always qualifies his approval by voicing his fear that it might not work in the future. I'm hoping his fear will subside with continued success. We're still so new at it; I think the trust will come as he continues to see her flourish and blossom and learn.

In the meantime, I've told him I have no problem with him questioning me, as I consider him to be the principle and he has every right to hold me accountable. I very cheefully answer his questions and produce the proof on paper he needs. He doesn't understand the methods, but as long as he sees results, he stays supportive. I just have to be content with that for now.

If I Can Do It... ANYONE Can!

2005-12-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Because my friend Paul at prying1 nominated my little old blog for the "Best Homeschooling Mom Blog" award at Spunky Homeschool, I am now compelled to actually post about homeschooling.

Paul says it doesn't matter that much of my content isn't even about homeschooling anymore, but the only thing that matters is that I'm a homeschooling mom with a blog. I'm not sure about his reasoning... but my original intent was for this to be a homeschooling blog. It (and I) lost focus along the way.

I was convicted at the beginning of this school year not to buy a complete curriculum for Anna but to work on the basics; concentrating on reading, math, and handwriting. I am extremely glad I followed this conviction, for I surely would have failed at following the schedule of a comprehensive, pre-packaged curriculum and possibly concluded I was failing at homeschooling.

Instead, I've learned that my children (probably all people) are pre-wired to crave growth and learning.

I've learned that homeschooling doesn't have to look like "school" in order for my children to learn. It doesn't have to be at a desk or table. It doesn't have to be scheduled. It's not mandatory that every subject is studied everyday or on a preset timetable.

I do think it was crucial that at the beginning of the year I wrote down what I wanted my children to have learned by the end of the year. And I kind of generally broke it down into how much would have to be covered per month and per semester to reach those goals. From there, it's been quite easy to keep those goals before me and stay on track no matter how sick or befuddled I've become.

Without fail, regardless of how I've felt, I have managed to read to Anna every single day. We're currently on the fourth book in the "Chronicles of Narnia," which we began on her birthday, September 22. We've read several "Ramona" books, the first two "Oz" books, "The House at Pooh Corner" and too many picture books to count. God has also enabled me to be consistent with short devotional readings and discussions.

She reads to me about five days a week. I don't schedule it or assign a day, time, or place for it to happen. Her books are on a low shelf and sometimes when I'm feeling up to it I get one down and we sit on the couch and she reads. Other days, when she's in the mood, she grabs one and brings it to me. We've had many reading lessons in my bed. If I'm unable to help her, she takes the book to her Daddy or to David. We're using BRI and she just finished reading book #36 of Set 2. Hooray! She reads!

Math is not as consistent, but when she decides it's time for math, it is seriously time for math! Math is her favorite subject. She will work page after page in her workbook, completing entire sections at one sitting. She finished Singapore Earlybird Math in September and is currently working in Miquon Orange. She loves those Cuisenaire rods!

Handwriting is even more sporadic, but she is progressing at an acceptable pace. She hates handwriting and I've never, even when feeling well, made her spend long segments of time practicing letters over and over again. I've printed out free decorated handwriting sheets which we use for copy work. She copies thank you notes, notes to grandparents, her address, Bible verses, etc. She is allowed to take as long as she needs to complete each assignment, but has to make it look as neat and beautiful as she possibly can. I let her stop writing whenever she decides, as long as she has worked at it and done her best, completing at least one line of text.

Right now, all other subjects are optional. We always have other projects and ideas we're working on, but no set goals or direction. We're following rabbit trails. As of today... she's into origami. Learning how to follow origami diagrams has been a much bigger challenge to me than teaching her to read and add!

We also have the oldest living sea monkeys (brine shrimp) in existence, alive and growing since October! Our bottle garden is thriving and needs to be pulled out of the bottle and potted. She is learning to draw using books that illustrate how to draw animals. She is filling a sketch book with incredibly life-like drawings, considering she's only six.

We're making marble magnets and beading Christmas ornaments as gifts for friends and family. I fell compelled to finish these projects by the end of next week for fear I won't be able to complete them after Friday.

And as you can see from the photo, she has lost her first two teeth! Although she knows the Tooth Fairy is only pretend, she loves pretending! So for each tooth placed under her pillow, she received one dollar bill carefully folded into a heart and another into the shape of a bunny.

It's amazing to me how much she's learned in spite of my severe disability and inability to teach. Just goes to show that anyone can homeschool!

(Note: I'll tell about what's going on with David at a later date.)

How Firm a Foundation

2005-11-26T04:31:00.000-08:00

'When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall by thy supply,
The Flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.'
The soul that on Jesus still leans for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no, never, no, never forsake!

Those are the fourth and fifth verses of the old hymn, "How Firm a Foundation" and express how I feel better than any words I could myself compose.

The following words are my own, as expressed in several e-mail notes I've sent to friends or relatives over the last month:

"But God is so good! He has revealed Himself so clearly... I sense His constant presence. Everyday my joy and peace are more abundant. It's kind of like having a baby... the pain is so incredibly intense and horrible... but so soon eclipsed and forgotten by the joy of the birth."

"The bindings are falling off... slowly, but surely. I still have a long haul ahead of me, before my body is completely healed from the addiction... but the physical suffering is worth the soul-healing God is doing through it. He's refining me with fire."

"There is a bright light shining at the end of the tunnel, with beautiful rays that are already illuminating my way..."

I just really felt like I needed to keep my promise to post about how God is working in my life, even though my words seem empty, compared to the reality of His mighty power and strength He is making so visible to me.

I will now turn the direction of "Ain't No Beach" back to the topic of homeschooling, as an adult with ADHD trying to educate children with ADHD, and as a general log of our journey.

Of course, God is the center of the journey, so He won't disappear from this blog, but His activity in our homeschooling will be the focus, rather than His activity in my own personal journey.

I'm anticipating the new blog, chronicling God's work in my own pilgrimage, to be up in January. It will be very personal, probably with much rambling, but always with the intention of glorifying God and of highlighting who He is and what He has done, is doing, and will do, rather than a diary about myself.

My next dosage cut is coming December 9. I will reach the peak of withdrawal symptoms right about Christmas Eve. Please pray for me.

Pink Lemondade by the name of Judy

2005-11-24T17:25:00.000-08:00

I realized I promised to post about the lemonade God is making with all the lemons hitting me in the head during this season of my life. I am not quite there yet; not able to put the profound indescribable, other-worldness of it into words that would be accurate and meaningful.

The comment of my friend Judy suggesting that she might herself be one of those lemons is what prompted me to write this post. I feel compelled to respond.

From my journal, dated November 5: "GodStops of Withdrawal OR The Lemonade.... God sent Judy F. to me as a friend and as support. Her unconditional love." So Judy, you needn't worry about being a lemon. You are actually Pink Lemonade!

Link to C.S. Lewis Quote

2005-11-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

I love this site and especially loved this post: Intemperance in Work.

I swiped the image right off ~~his~~ her site. I hope he she doesn't mind. It's a Vermeer, which I figure is probably in the public domain status! At least one can hope. (Note: No, SHE doesn't mind if I use the image and yes, I am aware that it doesn't acutally open into a full image of the painting. Follow the link to the original site if you want to see it. And, finally, you'd think I would have learned from my previous errors of referring to a sister-blogger by the wrong gender...)

In The Valley....

2005-11-16T04:56:00.000-08:00

"Heal me, Oh LORD, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, for thou art my praise." Jeremiah 17:14

I have very few regular visitors to this blog, and therefore, most likely few notice when I stop posting for days at a time. (Thank you, Dave, for missing me and writing to me.)

I have been unable to mentally and physically function for the past several weeks, save for a few windows of lucidity and energy, which I have used to shower or to take care of my family.

Fifteen years ago, a gross misdiagnosis was made, based on my ADD symptoms and cyclical depressions that led to massive doses of medication cocktails over the years. Many hours of testing and counseling in the last six months have revealed no signs of mental illness whatsoever. Not even depression, which only comes in the dark months of winter.

I began tapering off these medications one at a time several months ago, but began to taper the last, most addictive and difficult medication two and half weeks ago.

What began as .5 mg of Ativan ten years ago, prescribed to counteract the insomnia caused by one of the other medications I was taking, led progressively to 3 mg./day addiction to Klonopin, a sedative in the same benzodiazepine class of drugs as Xanax and Valium. Except that 1 mg. of Klonopin is the equivalent of 20 mg. of Valium.

There are different protocols for tapering, each with advantages and disadvantages. My new doctor made a fairly large cut (1/3), but scheduled the next cut 6 weeks later. Many doctors make extremely small, but frequent, daily cuts. Others taper the patient off Klonopin and on to Valium, before proceeding to the final taper of the Valium.

But no matter the procedure used, the withdrawal symptoms can be (but aren't always) debilitating. Such is the case with me.

I had expected it to be difficult, but not so completely debilitating and systemic. It would take many long paragraphs to describe all the specific symptoms that have basically turned me into an invalid.

As of today, the symptoms are beginning to wane just a bit, and for short intervals of time. But on December 8, my dose will again be cut, and they will again worsen.

I don't know how often I will be able to post, choosing to use the resources I do have to do what's needful.

My next post will be about the "lemonade" God is making with the lemons being thrown at me.

In the future, I will be starting a new, personal blog to chronicle my journey; past, present, and future and will renew my original intent to make this blog a homeschooling journal.

Word of God Speak...

2005-11-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
MercyMe

The Shower of God Church

2005-10-30T18:31:00.000-08:00

"Jesus said to her, 'Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father'" John 4:21

This morning Anna was too sick to take to church and I stayed home with her. Her nose and head were so stuffed, she sounded like an actor from a cold medicine commercial. I figured a shower might help, and since I needed one too, I suggested we shower together.

We got clean and sat on the floor in silence, enjoying the feel of the warm water gently raining down on us. Usually when we shower together, we also sing... usually wild, fun, silly, theatrical, bellowing romps.

With the soft background of trickling water, I began to sing a soft worship song. She didn't know all the words but her little voice chimed in when she could. I stopped and she took up where I left off.

She sang "Every Breath I Take", making up most of the words as she went along. I could barely hear her soft, voice, singing softly with her head bowed. The only words I could actually make out clearly were, "His love has captured me."

We continued, my arms now wrapped around her, both of our heads bowed in reverence, softly singing to God.

For the first time in the three years since we joined a "contemporary" church, I sang the "Doxology" and the Gloria Patri". I wonder how many people, Christians and non-Christians alike, even know those old tunes anymore. I sang them repeatedly every Sunday for so many years, I think I forgot their beauty. How glorious it was to sing them again!

I'm a little sad when I think that Anna has never attended a church service that includes any liturgy or standard hymns.

I sang "Holy, Holy, Holy", also for the first time in many years, but the words came to my memory as easily as if I had been regularly singing them still. I remember our pastor explaining why we don't sing these hymns... "Because they are written in words nobody understands anymore." He flashed the following words onto the large screen behind him, "Cherubim and seraphim, falling down before Thee; Which, wert and art and ever more shall be." Then he proceeded to tell us how these words could trip people up in their search for Jesus because of their complexity and antiquity. He especially didn't like "which, wert and art and ever more shall be."

I remembered those words... and their meaning, which doesn't seem so very difficult to me. I remembered very few of the words of the contemporary music the congregation was singing at that very moment. I wonder why we we can't have a little of both... why is is it one or the other?

I digress... like usual.

My point is the glorious reverence and worship Anna and I experienced in the little shower stall this morning. We felt Gods presence in such a profound way, I can't find the words to express it.

After we got out of the shower, Anna started telling me about the story of Jonah a friend had just read to her during the past week. She wanted to explain to me how even when Jonah was hiding in the bottom of the ship and when he was at the bottom of the sea in the belly of a giant fish, God knew where he was because, "God is everywhere, you know?"

So we read the story of Jonah and talked about it and what God was teaching us. She just kept coming back to how we can't hide from God. No matter where we go or how hard we try, He's everywhere, so we can't get away from Him. She said that just made her feel so safe.

Then we took turns praying. He sweet little nasally voice talking to God the way a person would talk to another person face-to-face, with complete trust that He was there and listening to her. The indescribable joy of sharing a 3-way intimacy with my daughter and the Creator of the universe. I have no words to express it.

So, no we didn't make it to our regular church building this morning; not to the mountain in Samaria, nor to Jerusalem.

But I experienced the most joyful and profound worship I've ever exprienced in my life and was acutely aware of God's presence; so real and tangible.. truly we were worshipping in spirit and in truth.

And we knew He was smiling in pleasure with us and at us.

(Note: I resisted the strong tempation to "borrow" the logo of the "Bare Naked Christian Ladies" to illustrate this post... )

I Lost.......

2005-10-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest joys of motherhood for me is tying that final knot in the garbage sack of worn out toys, permanently erasing the horrors of "Candyland" from my life forever. The game is a torture device; something to be endured, not played.

The joy I derived from its demise was short-lived this time around though.

On September 22, Anna's 6th birthday, I innocently gave her a very cheap game of checkers, looking forward to teaching her how to play and spending many joyful evenings together this winter before a roaring fire, while contemplating my next move.

As I taught her, I explained the purpose of each move I made, demonstrating why I did it and what would likely happen next. She listened very carefully, using my own moves against me almost immediately.

I was so, so, proud of my smart little baby! She learns so fast! But, she still couldn't beat me. I told her not to worry, we'd keep practicing and one day she'd be so good she'd be able to win. "One day."

In the meantime.... She played a few games with Daddy, and then David. They told me she was getting good. Oh yes, I was proud! What a smart child and obviously I had taught her well!

Tonight we played again, the first time since she'd been playing with Dad and David.

They had taught her to be ruthless; to play like a man rather than a little girl! Within five moves she had moved into my territory, captured several men and gotten a king! Wham! Bam!

And it only got worse from there. She no longer played the game defensively, trying to keep her men safe; but she played a ruthlessly offensive game.

At one point, she looked up at me with a kind of sad expression and asked if she should slow down so I could catch up. I said, "No way! Always play to win! Did I slow down in the other games when I was winning? You're winning fair and square and I expect you to keep trying as hard as you can." She did.

And I lost. Big.

(Note: I wrote this last night before bed and it wouldn't post, due to user error.)

Link to New Blog of an "Old" Friend

2005-10-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

Normally I would never use the term "old" to describe anyone I love as dearly as I love my Judy, but she herself wrote it next to her name this evening on a form in the spot where she was supposed to write her age, thereby giving me everlasting permission to define her as such.

Judith very spontaneously (she says accidentally) started a blog: letuscreatit a few days ago while attempting to leave a comment on one of my posts. She owns and operates a lovely store called "Cinderalla's Coach."

I promised to link to her and then of course, typical of my cognitive style, I forgot. Not one to be put off or take personally my common lapses of memory, she posted a large, beautiful photo she took of my daugher several years ago to promote her store, thereby forcing me to send people to look at it.

She knows me too well! She knew she could get that link one way or the other!

I am also awash in guilt that I have failed to post a review and photo of the lovely children's book she wrote, illustrated, and self-published... months ago. Judy, I promise it will happen!

Have you thought about putting a photo of Anna on the cover? {grin!}

ARHGGGG!

2005-10-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

I just lost misplaced an entire bag of blueberry bagels that were in my hands within the last five minutes!!! How is it possible?!

Post on my Index Card Planner...

2005-10-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

...As soon as I find my digital camera!

Today, I plan on spending minimal time at my computer, in order to declutter a little. But my next post will be about my little planner I put together with a metal "O" ring and index cards and carry in my purse. (I'm now adding a page with birthdays!)

Within the last week, I have ~~lost~~ misplaced two watches, 4-5 blue-beaded bracelets given to me by a dear friend to symbolize the sanctification process we are going through in our Bible study, my digital camera, most of Anna's socks (figure that one out?), my e-bay folder with postage rates and customer communication, etc., my USB cable (needed to get photos on to my 'puter), both of Anna's hairbrushes and umpteen hair clips, Anna's Bible and other needed books and items for homeschooling, and many other things I won't even know are lost until I need them.

There are actully dishes on the table from dinner two nights ago!--- Yes DH is out of town...

My prveviously started project of going through Anna's clothes, summer and winter, too-small and too-big, etc. is still spread out all over the place.

I think the dog could survive an entire week by eating the bits of food and crumbs on my kitchen floor. (Was that more than you needed to know?)

Indeed, the time has come to log off the computer and give my house some attention. (And definitely before DH gets home tomorrow or possibly even tonight and freaks out!)

Oi!!... "Break it into steps, Kris...."

COMPUTERS ARE SO STUPID!

2005-10-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

I know some people let computers make them feel stupid and inferior to the machine's superior intelligence and memory. I'm not one of those people!

Computers make me feel highly intelligent and illuminate the God-given reasoning capabilities even the most cognitevely challenged of us possess.

Computer are just positively stupid and completely unreasonable! They don't understand even the simplest of directions, unless spelled out exactly right, with the correct syntax, punctuation, and spacing entered at precisely the expected moment.

Even a three-year-old has better reasoning skills!

Yes, I'm frustrated... Just finished a complete reformat of my hard drive, backing up with due diligence all critical and necessary information. Not once, but twice.

I'm unable to retreive much of it! GRRRRR! Anyone with a birthday coming up soon should not expect a card. All birthdays wiped out! As well as a wealth of other information I had deemed critical.

What am I supposed to be learning from this?

(The animations are especially for you, Dave!)

It's My Birthday and I'll Blog If I Want to.....

2005-10-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

"Blog if I want to, blog if I want to.
You'd blog too if it happend to you-ooo!"

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

2005-10-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

After having a discussion with my son about this test and the intention and point of this post, I've decided it warrants further commentary.

His concern it that by posting it, I'm merely pointing my finger at people's ignorance, which could be perceived in an offensive way.

I had several purposes in mind:
1) To post something a little lighter than my post of October 14, but not something totally devoid of meaning;
2) To show how our education system is failing our own citizens by not teaching US history and citizenship;
3) To bring attention to the general apathy and lack of motivation of many American citizens who don't care whether they know the answers or not; and
4) Lastly, to put forth a question in the reader's mind about whether ALL voters should have some basic knowledge of US history to be qualified to vote, not just those born outside of our borders.

In other words: Why does merely being born within our boders mean automatic voting rights, no matter the level of knowledge or caring about our country, yet those born in other countries must prove a basic level of knowledge and earn the right to vote?

Well... I guess my first intent at being light has failed! LOL!

Show Me The Money!

2005-10-18T10:38:00.000-07:00

Just had to share:

My DH called me from an airplane hangar today in another city to inform me that he's changing his name to "Jefferson Nickel", hoping it will turn the tide of our sorry financial condition.

I haven't laughed so hard in months!

Personally I think maybe "Benjamin Bill" or "Grover Dabucks" might be better choices. I mean, if your're going to change your name anyway, why not go for the big bills?

Update: His final decision is "Shiny Nickel"! I still think Benjamin and Grover are bigger and better choices than Dollar and Nickel if you're going for the Money!

Bible Versions, Tranlsations, and Paraphrases

2005-10-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it's been more than a "few" days since I last posted, but I do have mitigating circumstances: I've had a painful sinus infection and then I lost my internet connection for a while over the weekend.

I think the posts in the comment section pretty much sum up, in way fewer words, what I was going to write about anyway. So check them out. While you're at it, look at the poll results. About half of the people that answered recognized this verse as the same verse, but from different translations. I don't think even that many would have caught it if my knowledgeable commentators hadn't spilled the beans.

For more information on different Bible translations and versions read this article at "The Christian Research Institute."

Both verses are from the 6th chapter of Ephesians, verse 12. The first "version", for it's not truly even a translation, is from "The Message" by Eugene Peterson. I think a Bible with a byline other than "By God" should be a dead giveaway that this might not be an accurate rendition of God's Word.

The original meaning is so distorted, twisted, left out, and added to, that in some places the text loses all meaning, or worse yet, conveys a false "message."

This passage is better understood in context with the surrounding text. The second translation of Ephesians 6:10-20 is from the New American Standard Bible:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,

I was told once by a Bible teacher that the way bank tellers are taught to recognize counterfeit currency is by NEVER looking at the counterfeit bills, but studying real and true paper money in depth and in detail. They learn to recognize the bills that are not true by intense training designed to imprint upon their brains and fingers the look and feel of real currency. They do not spend any time at all studying counterfeit bills.

This is the full text in the paraphrase "The Message" by Eugene Peterson:

10 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. 11 So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. 12 This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. 13 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. 14 Truth, righteousness, 15 peace, 16 faith, 17 and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. 18 In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Maybe it's just me, but the passages don't seem to mean the same thing at all. If we are to fight a battle and win, we need to know who our enemy is, (as well as who he isn't), his location, his weapons, and which weapons of defense and offense to use against him. The accurate translation gives us this extremely critical information.

Especially notice verses 14-17. This 74-word description of the vital armor needed to win the battle is reduced to 10 words. And did you notice the words in all-caps in the NASB? That means these verses are direct quotations of verses found elsewhere in the Bible and usually have cross-references in the margin or at the bottom of the page, so you can use Scripture to interpret Scripture and figure out what the heck it means without someone who's written 20 books and been to seminary telling you!

Using a literal translation also gives you the capacity to use a Greek or Hebrew concordance and dictionary to look up the original words in order to further understand the intended meaning.

Also, never forget that the Bible is the only book you can read where the author shows up to explain what you need to know, if you're willing to listen!

It seems we've come full circle since Luther translated the Latin Vulgate into German for the common to people to read and was sentenced to death and condemned to hell for his audacity. When Gutenberg invented the printing press and those first Bibles rolled out, the people were so hungry for God's word, they couldn't get their hands on them fast enough.

Are we heading back to the time when only the official church authorities are deemed close enough to God to have the capacity to read and understand His Holy Word? Why are we so willing to give this privilege and freedom that Luther was willing to die for back to men. How many books written by men do we need to read before we're able to understand God's teachings? The answer is a big fat "ZERO"!

Poll: Same or Different Bible Verse?

2005-10-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

Tell me what you think of these Bible verses:

"This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."

No fair looking them up. Just read them as they are and give me your best guess? Do you think they could be the same exact verse, translated differently, but with the exact same meaning--- Or do you think they are different verses altogether?

There is a poll in the sidebar on the right for your responses. I'll give you the answer in a few days.

Comments are also welcome!

A Whine....(Avoid reading if at all possible)

2005-10-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

DELETED... You wouldn't have wanted to read it anyway. Suffice it to say that I'm sick and yesterday was a long and tiring day and I lost it! God has given me new mercies this morning! Thank you Lord!

T-Rex vs. The Wasp

2005-10-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Suddenly a piercing scream filled the air, reverberating in my head with such volume and pitch, I could feel my face beginning to contort with harsh, rigid lines of pressure, ready to explode and shatter at any moment.

A Wasp was buzzing around Anna's head while she was peacefully trying to eat her lunch. She jumped up and ran, screaming, into the next room to wait for a Wasp-Fighting Hero to emerge and dispatch the threat.

Alas, her Daddy is not in town.

So I ~~yelled~~ screamed down the basement stairs, "David, we need a Man up here!!" He immediately jumped up, heading for the stairs and excitedly hollered back, "What? You got a spider you want me to kill?" With a sigh of relief and admiration for my arriving hero I said, "No, a Wasp!"

David's reply as he hesitated on the stairs: "Uh, I'm not sure I'm manly enough for that!"

What to do? What to do???

I figured a T-Rex is what we needed, so I grabbed the giant coffee-table-sized book on dinosaurs with the giant Tyrannosaurus Rex on the cover and headed for The Wasp.

By now David was at the top of the stairs giving me advice--(Men are good at giving advice I've noticed.) He said, "Don't hit him while he's so close to the edge of the table." (For by now he was indeed crawling on the table). "The edge isn't flat enough and The Wasp might not get fully crushed."

I said, "OK then, stand there and pray like a Man that The Thing will crawl toward the middle of the table!" He thought I was joking, but I wasn't; I was praying. He said, "What?!" I repeated it... only louder: "PRAY!"

Then I had one of those inspired ideas that in retrospect doesn't seem quite so inspired.

I said, "Continue praying, but get over to the other side of the table and pull the table cloth your direction and move The Wasp closer to the center of the table so T-Rex can smash him."

He pulled. T-Rex attacked. Anna's lunch of Ramen noodle soup (we're boycotting nutrition this weekend) went flying into the air in all directions, finding its final resting place all over every chair and surface in the kitchen. All the while Anna was still screeching while peeking from behind a wall and a neighbor girl came to the front glass storm door, looked in, turned around and without even knocking, took off running home.

I have an understanding of The Wasp. I know he can pretend to be dead, while he lays there catching his breath, waiting for me to innocently lift the book so he can renew his vicious attack.

So I sent David after two more giant coffee-table books to place on the T-Rex. Now with the weight of T-Rex and all his kin, Monet with full-color reproductions, and the Smithsonian’s collection of aviation history under my fingertips, I banged, pressed, and smushed, and twisted, and fully crushed The Wasp, emerging victorious!

Now... the Ramen noodle problem....

Newest Artwork... NOT oils

2005-10-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

I used photo editing software to create this cd cover as a gift for a friend. As much as I love oils, this was fun too.

(This is not the newest post, but I've moved it back to the top.)
I've changed painting plans in midstream and have decided to render David's photo, "Light in the Darkness" (see sidebar) in oils instead of continuing work on "The Lego Couple" I had been working on.

Reposted 17 Photos Going Back to March

2005-10-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

I stayed up too long last night reposting photos of my children... mostly Anna. I posted more in March than any other month by a large percentage. I think I was most joyful about reposting the photo essay of the day David left for his big trip at the end of May. This was also the most difficult to reproduce. (I print out the pages of my blog monthly and keep them in a notebook with month dividers or it would have been impossible.)

I chose not to repost Anna's dance recital and swimming lesson photos for fear of how they could be perceived.

Looking back at the recital photos with her hair plastered with hair spray and her face layered with heavy makeup, I wonder where my mind was at to begin with when I posted them. I only saw them through a mother's eyes of love and adoration for a daughter who loves to dress-up and have her picture taken. I'm so thankful to have them though, since she was unable to perform in the recital and the costume is now in the dress-up box.

Guess, I'm back to being a true "Mommy Blog"!

Housewifes and Blogging Mommies Unite! (Link is at bottom of sidebar.)

Reposting Photos

2005-10-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

Anna at Vacation Bible School

Several months ago, in a panic, I deleted almost all photos of my children from my blog. I really regret this hasty reaction to a post I had read about internet stalkers and the exploitation of children.

Over the next several days I'll be reposting many of the photos, but will use a little more wisdom and discretion in choosing which photos to display for public viewing.

I'll probably repost most of them into the archives where they originally appeared, but will also post a few of my favorites in the current month.

I promise I absolutely will NOT repost the pink flamingos, however... no matter how much you beg!

Housewife Mafia.... I'm in!....... I think......

2005-10-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

While surfing on BE recently I ran across a blog with several posts written by a man who obviously has some "issues" with women who he defines as "housewives" and blogs he has labeled as "mommy blogs." His anger and hostility directed toward women who he deemed to be "housewives" with "mommy blogs" was quite vituperative. (Not that he would have any ideas what that word means.) Hmm.. maybe I don't either come to think of it...

At any rate, he was quite hateful and offensive. Actually, I find the word "housewife" itself slightly offensive. But as a woman whose primary life focus right now is to train up my children in the way they should go, I'll embrace the label as a compliment rather than a taunt.

This young man has decided us mommies ("The Housewife Mafia") have some sort of conspiracy going on with the intent of winning the blog wars and taking over the blogosphere for our own glory, thereby defeating him and his team of women-haters.

I had previously been totally and blissfully unaware that I was in a conspiracy and fighting some kind of war for blog dominance. Good thing he clued me in. Before leaving his site I clicked the "Do not view again" button and forgot about it.....

Until today.....

Stacie at "Mommy's Busy" site, has decided to fight back! Apparently someone has taken this so seriously, he has satired her entire blog by designing his own offensive site to look exactly like hers (almost). His content is quite offensive and I have to admit slightly humorous at times. Stacie herself has decided to take the high road and is flattered by the imitation rather than offended.

BUT... It's now official. Stacie is calling all supporters and encouragers of housewives to unite as.... "The Housewife Mafia!" So I will proudly bear the logo and will hereby support, encourage, and generally defend against all vicious attacks from the other side, my sisters in housewifery and mommyhood!

HOUSEWIVES UNITE!

One small caveat however.... I haven't actually been approved as a member yet. I could possibly be blackballed because my sight isn't predominantly pink or decorated with cute pink hearts and baby pictures! I'll let you know!

Have you seen this on CNN? Maybe NBC?

2005-10-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

"Adult stem cells restore feeling in paraplegic."

Thanks to Michael for the tip. His post refers back to an article in WorldNetDaily.

Before you dismiss the accuracy of the article based on the bias of the publication, notice that the research appeared in a real, bonafide, peer-reviewed, scientific journal: Cytotherapy, Vol 7. No. 4 (2005), 368-373).

Here is a link to the published research itself: A 37-year-old spinal cord-injured female patient, transplanted of multipotent stem cells from human UC blood, with improved sensory perception and mobility, both functionally and morphologically: a case study. (Yes, I verified the source before posting this.)

From the article in WorldNetDaily:

In an apparent major breakthrough, scientists in Korea report using umbilical cord blood stem cells to restore feeling and mobility to a spinal-cord injury patient.
The research, published in the peer-reviewed journal Cytotherapy, centered on a woman had been a paraplegic 19 years due to an accident. After an infusion of umbilical cord blood stem cells, stunning results were recorded:
"The patient could move her hips and feel her hip skin on day 15 after transplantation. On day 25 after transplantation her feet responded to stimulation." Umbilical cord cells are considered "adult stem cells," in contrast to embryonic stem cells, which have raised ethical concerns because a human embryo must be destroyed in order to harvest them.
The report said motor activity was noticed on day 7, and she was able to maintain an upright position on day 13. Fifteen days after surgery, she began to elevate both lower legs about one centimeter.
The study's abstract says not only did the patient regain feeling, but 41 days after stem cell transplantation, testing "also showed regeneration of the spinal cord at the injured cite" and below it.

From the Cytotherapy journal research:

[t]he patient could move her hips and feel her hip skin on day 15 after transplantation. On day 25 after transplantation her feet responded to stimulation. On post operative day (POD) 7, motor activity was noticed and improved gradually in her lumbar paravertebral and hip muscles. She could maintain an upright position by herself on POD 13. From POD 15 she began to elevate both lower legs about 1 cm, and hip flexor muscle activity gradually improved until POD 41.

This is HUGE stuff! She has been a paraplegic for 19 years! Why is the mainstream media ignoring it? I think the world needs to hear that adult stems cells are being used successfully in the same research fields as embryonic stem cell research.

People need to know that embryo stem cells are not the only option for curing spinal cord injuries, diabetes, and Parkinson's disease.

I really, don't get it. Yeah, I've read all the theories about the media being controlled by pro-abortionists and Bush-haters and any number of other conspiracy theories set forth by mainstream-media-hating conservatives. But I just can't quite fully embrace reactionary theories based on the personal ideology and agenda of the theorist, whether liberal OR conservative. That's why I researched the source of the WorldNetDaily article to begin with. Call me a cynic.

While further researching the topic, I also found scientific research supporting the use of adult stem cells to heal other medical conditions, including diabetes. Why did I have to dig so hard to find it? I really don't get it.

Other Links: The Korea Times--Shows photo of the woman on her feet with a walker, Institute of Science in Society, The Daily Standard, The Age, redstate.org, Blogger News Network, The Online Magazine Formerly Known as Rob's Blog, Stem Cell Research Progress Blog, Colleen Hammond, Animate Matters, Scott's Link Log, Stone's Cry Out, Red Nova,

Technorati Tags:
Adult Stem Cell Research Stem Cells Cytotherapy Umbilical Cord Blood

Looking back..... and What's next?

2005-10-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog eight months and 13,000 visitors ago, it was an impulsive reaction to the posts and photos of me my husband had been posting on his own blog, "Where's the Beach?". I merely wanted to counter and respond and, well... maybe get a little revenge.

I chose a generic Blogger template without giving it much thought, gave it a title to contrast that of my husband's, and within 30 minutes I had my own blog. I had no mission, goal, or ideas for future posts.

My first post was titled "Counterpoints to 'Where's the Beach'" I continued in good humor to goad my husband. I posted this goofy photo of him in response to the many photos of me (with opinion polls, no less) he published on his blog.

Then I started to see the possibilities. I began to envision a homeschooling journal. A record of our days together and what we were doing. A showcase of our accomplishments and thoughts on our failures. But still a personal space. I quickly embraced the concept of a blog totally and solely dedicated to the homeschooling journey with my children.

I modified the pre-made template beyond recognition and made it my own. The design continues to evolve as I learn more about HTML, CSS, and scripting.

A trip through my archives and my posts since then reveal the changes and evolution of this blog. No longer a private journal of my family's homeschooling experience, it has become a venue and outlet for my own thoughts, ideas, and experiences, many of which are not even remotely related to homeschooling.

I did try to eliminate this convolution of concepts and ideas, marked by a complete lack of focus, by maintaining three different blogs, each with a different and separate purpose. Not only was this extremely time consuming, it gave me a feeling of disjointedness. Like I was putting different parts of myself into separate, unrelated, compartments

And three compartments weren't enough! In addition to my blogs on my art, personal ramblings, and homeschooling, I wanted to add a blog on Christianity and yet another on adult ADD. I had and continue to have a multitude of ideas for posts and blogs, for poems and paintings, books and ways to earn money.

The final result is one blog with multiple facets, concepts, ideas, and purposes. Yet, this still doesn't feel right to me! Everything is all mixed up. This blog has no focus; no purpose.

So I'm asking myself, "Where do I go next?" Should I go back to maintaining and posting on multiple blogs, each with a distinct and identifiable purpose and concept? Should I hold onto this one blog, but narrow its focus? And if I do that, what should the focus be? My Christian journey, homeschooling, ADHD, David's photos, my artwork, personal rants and ramblings, silly meme's? I now have a long list of ideas for future posts.

One idea I'm considering is converting to Wordpress and categorizing each post so that those who link to me looking for specific content can find it easily. Is it possible to provide an RSS feed to just one category of posts on a blog, rather than the whole thing?

Many things to think about! A change is definitely in the air! Such is life.

Full Moon

2005-09-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

David took this photo through the lens of a telescope.

ADD Questions

2005-09-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

I've been trying so hard to balance my time and as result have been spending much less time on the computer. Several friends have e-mailed me asking me what's up with the ADD issues and struggles.

I will post soon with details... probably more than you really want to know. We're getting along alright. David is having a great school year so far. I'm still struggling, but see slow and steady progress. I've changed my doctor, counselor, and medications.

In my heart of hearts, what I really want is a magic pill that would make my brain function the same way as most other people. A futile dream. So I continue to struggle with self-acceptance. I'm trying to seek out and nurture my unique strengths that are also a by-product of my unusual cognitive style.

But, alas, I seem to continue to spend the bulk of my time fighting myself in order to be "productive", leaving little time for painting and writing and reading poetry.

But I am not without hope. I'm still forgetting what is behing and straining forward.....

More to come....

What is it with Flamingos?

2005-09-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know why I get so many Google image hits for my archived pink flamingo photos? Am I missing something? If it's something nasty, please privately e-mail me using the utmost taste and let me know. I just don't get it! They're just cheap plastic pink flamingos!

Reformation, Emergent Church, Confessing Evangelicals.....

2005-09-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

I've written a few posts recently, after watching the movie, "Luther", in which I used the term "modern reformation", unaware that it is a catch-phrase, already in use by a few groups that seem to believe the exact opposite of what God's Word says.

As I've been reading the writings of leaders trying to transform, or even create, a new church, I have not seen much consistency in the beliefs of those who claim they are part of a greater movement, such as the "Emergent Church" or the "Modern Reformation." One writer, claiming to represent a larger movement, often disagrees with another representing the same movement.

In the future, I will be more aware of this trend and avoid catch-phrases and terms which may not represent my beliefs at all.

God has not, however, changed my conviction that many of our churches are seriously neglecting to follow and teach the Word of God accurately.

I still feel strongly that there is a trend toward believing the doctrine of men over the truth of God, the same fight Martin Luther was fighting. Why are we modeling our churches on corporate systems constructed by men rather than on God's Word?

New Life and New Trust!

2005-09-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

(Note: I have edited this since it was originally posted to correct factual errors and to include Jennifer's own testimony of her experience.)

As the sun rose on August 30, illuminating the vast destruction along the gulf coast and the rising water in New Orleans, my friend, Jennifer, arrived at the hospital for the scheduled induction of her fourth child.

I had the honor and privilege to be part of her labor support team and to witness the joyful birth of this special baby.

Five months ago I received a desperate call in the middle of the night from my friend, acutely ill, feverish, and terrified for the growing life inside her. She had gone to the emergency room for the second night that week with uncontrollable fever, chills, and shaking and had just been told she had all the symptoms of malaria.

Jennifer went to Honduras last summer on a mission trip, leaving three young children and her husband behind, but fully trusting God to "do things to keep me happy and blessed since I was being obedient." She was not yet pregnant and had been assured that the area they were going to did not have a high malaria risk. There is a 1 in 10,000 chance of getting malaria in Central America. Nobody on the team was even advised to take anitmalarial medication before the trip.

When she called me that night, she was nearly hysterical. She just couldn't grasp the character of a God who would send her to minister to strangers, and then allow her innocent baby to suffer and possibly die as a result. We talked for a long time. She was calmer, but no less confused, when we finally hung up.

I wasn't in the ring with her or even in the stands during the following hours and days when she wrestled with God from her hospital bed. This is how Jennifer tells it:

"Jacob was fleeing from his angry brother and obeying God in the path he took. But while he slept an angel – the LORD – wrestled with him. Jacob was overpowering the angel (wow! The angel wasn’t winning!). So He touched Jacob’s hip and knocked it out of socket. Then Jacob submitted to the angel’s power. That’s what I was doing! I was wrestling with God trying to force my way on him in so many areas of my life. I was trying to overtake him, to do things the way I wanted them done. Not that I was blatantly disobedient – I was trying to be obedient just as Jacob was. But perhaps I felt that my obedience would give me a little more control of God... I believe God 'touched my hip' with malaria because I was trying to overtake him. And I had to submit!"

I asked her several days later if she had regrets about going on the mission trip. She said that she did not; that she had spiritually grown and learned many valuable lessons as a result of the trip.

She values how God used the people she was serving to teach her and imprint her heart with valuable spiritual truths she would have missed otherwise. The people she served had very few material possessions, were undernourished, and impoverished. She had expected to see massive suffering. Instead she witnessed happiness and contentment in the sparkling eyes of these "suffering" victims of extreme poverty.

She marveled that they could be so content, yet have so little. She especially reveled in the joyful smiles and attitudes of the children. She noted the remarkable contrast of these sick, hungry, impoverished and happy children to our own children in America who seem to "need" so many material things to be happy. She learned that joy, peace, and contentment truly aren't connected to wealth or material goods.

So, no, she didn't regret going. Yes, she was still fearful for her baby. But when God "touched her hip", he also gave her a deep, abiding trust in His will for her life and the knowledge that He would be with her through any difficult situations, including a very sick baby.

She had lost weight while she was sick. Her iron and platelet counts were so low, she came within one tenth of a diagnostic number on a blood test to getting blood transfusions. At seven months, the baby was still very small, but all tests looked good. Even at eight months, he still appeared smaller than he should have been. (Her previous baby weighed almost 11 pounds at birth!)

Jacob Daniel was born August 30, 2005, weighing 8 lbs., 14 oz., a healthy baby boy. Specialists are still watching and monitoring him closely, but so far there are no signs of malaria.

Praise the Lord!

**Malaria kills 2.7 million people every year, mostly infants and children. It is the greatest cause of death and disease worldwide. More than a third of the world’s population is infected with malaria, mostly in Africa. There is only a 1 in 10,000 chance of getting malaria in Central America.

$1,255,916 Raised by Bloggers!

2005-09-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

Satelite image provided by DigitalGlobe
WOW! We raised a quarter of a million dollars!
Go to the contributions page to see the final figures.

And RazorsKiss in Gulfport is finally back online, blogging from a hotel lobby! He (Please pardon my previous error! Bethany rightfully corrected me!) kept blogging, even as Katrina made landfall; stopping only when he lost electricity. Then he disappeared. It's odd how I worry about people I've never met, but know only through blog posts and comments. (It's even odder when you consider I didn't even know she was a he!)

Please continue to give what you can to the relief agency of your choice! Katrina's victims will be needing help for many months to come.

FEMA has a list of legitimate organizations if you're worried about where your money is going.

If you make a donation, please go to this site to log your amount to the total: Contributions.

UMCOR and Samaritan's Purse are my relief organizations of choice. UMCOR, in addition to financial donations, is asking for "Flood Bucket Kits" and "Health Kits". The site has instructions on how to put them together and where to send them.

Also of note: 100% of your UMCOR donation is used for relief. Not a penny of it is used for administrative costs.

From their site:

The United Methodist Committee on Relief (UMCOR) is the not-for-profit humanitarian agency of The United Methodist Church. Since 1940 UMCOR's mission-- providing relief in disaster areas, aiding refugees and confronting the challenge of world hunger and poverty-- has helped to heal the hurts of humanity in nearly 100 countries. UMCOR maintains a corps of trained disaster response specialists for quick reinforcement of national efforts and keeps a supply of relief materials in warehouses for dispatch when and where required. It also trains disaster response specialists in their own countries as part of a global ministry by a global church and works in partnership with other international agencies.... When you give to the United Methodist Committee on Relief you can be sure that your money will go where you want it to go. One hundred percent of your tax-deductible gifts go to the emergency or project that you designate. UMCOR's administrative costs come from other sources, especially the United Methodist One Great Hour of Sharing offering.

Samaritan's Purse is also a great organization. Operated and begun by Franklin Graham, they supply relief worldwide. They greatly contribute to Iraq and Asian tsumani relief, along with many other worldwide projects.

Flood Relief Hurricane Katrina Flood Satelite New Orleans Satelite

Katrina Relief

2005-08-31T11:57:00.000-07:00

There are many relief agencies, like Red Cross and Salvation Army that desperately need financial donations.

But Anna wants to personally do something herself. She needs to know she can make a difference and have an impact in the world. To have meaning, any giving must be tangible to her. At her age, merely writing a check would not help her grow into a giving, compassionate, serving adult.

I have been searching for several days for agencies which accept items, not just money. They are few and far between. But thanks to Holly's comment, I've finally found one!

UMCOR is asking people to send special Flood Bucket Kits and Health Kits. Their site has instructions on what to put in the kits and where to mail them.

Anna was right. This is a good time to use my 'mergency money in my Paypal acount! Actually, it's also a good time to sell a bunch of stuff to grow my account and raise more emergency money for New Orleans!

E-Bay here I come!

An Answer for Charles on Spiritual Deadness

2005-08-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote a rather lengthy comment to a post on "Just Call Me Charles." For some reason it never posted. (Maybe it was just too long!) Anyway, fortunately, I had actually saved it in Word before attempting to publish it, already forming the idea that it would be a good starting point for a post to my own blog.

I suggest you follow the link and read his original post. He basically noted the remarks of a Baptist Missionary in Europe who felt spiritual darkness had descended upon Europe, making it a prime mission field, and the darkness is headed our way.

He ended his post with two questions, "What is spiritual deadness?" and "Are We in the End Times?" I chose to answer the first question and ignored the second. Jesus made it pretty clear that we would not know the time of His return and we should live as if His return was imminent. I just kind of ignore all the dogma on eschatology, premillennialism, post-, or other interpretations which claim to "know" when He's coming back and if we're in the "end-times". Obviously we are, and have been, since Christ ascended.

Here is what I wrote:

First, I think we should make distinctions between religion, Christianity, and spirituality.
The word Christianity has lost so much of its original meaning; sometimes I hate to even identify with it.
Jesus didn't come to form a religion, he came to provide and model a way to have an intimate, loving relationship with God. In fact, his sharpest criticism was against the established religious leaders of the day.
As for "evangelicals"... I share many of their core beliefs, but I think many people have been deceived into thinking just like the Pharisees of Jesus' time: If we just make enough laws to keep people from sinning, society will be changed and God's Kingdom will come.
Change will never come from the outside. No matter how many laws we make, no matter how much we judge and condemn sinners, (we usually reserve such judgment for those sins we mistakenly consider more damning than the plank in our own eye, such as homosexuality), no matter what we do to try and convince people to behave in a more acceptable and less sinful manner, we will only be creating whitewashed tombs.
Christ came to demonstrate just the opposite of what many evangelical Christians are now trying to accomplish: make people righteous by changing their behavior.
On the contray, Jesus came to show us that there is absolutely nothing we, ourselves can do; no amount of law-following or do-gooding can make us righteous in God's eyes. True righteousness can only be found in Him.
He came to demonstrate what love is, the kind of unconditional love He has for us, and to model to us how we are to love others.
I think churches, worldwide have forgotten this message. Many "religious" people are not walking with Christ. They are the ones who will say "Lord, Lord, did we not do all these things in your name?" And He will say, "I do not know you."
Charles, I guess by now, you know I ramble.... and I can't stop now!
Spiritual deadness is the condition we are in before we have died to self, and received life through Jesus, with our identity newly found in Him. It's who we are before we have His Spirit indwelling within our physical bodies, giving us spiritual life in place of spiritual death.
Christianity is not about religion, condemnation, tradition, liturgy, rites, socializing, or politics. In its purest form it’s about a personal, intimate, life-giving relationship with God--the mighty creator of the universe.
I am still awed that He would even want to have a relationship with a human like me! The expression of that awe and wonder and just the acknowledgement and celebration of His greatness and His love is what worship is.
Yes, I also see much "spiritual deadness". I'm not sure there is any more now than there ever has been though. I just think that more and more people are starting to realize that going to church doesn't make one spiritual and that many spiritually dead people go to church.
But I see evidence all around me of an awakening among followers of Christ and I think God is right now raising up leaders in our midst to bring about a "modern reformation".
I'll stop. I obviously have strong feelings about the subject! Oh.. and don't even get me started on "Name it and Claim it" Christianity, another cause of people's disillusionment with churches. That's a whole 'nuther post.

So there you have it Charles... the longest comment ever written.

13% are Happy, 11% are Calm, 9% are Peaceful

2005-08-28T22:37:00.000-07:00

I know it's silly, but I have this extension to Firefox that keeps track of the moods of people worldwide called MoodTap.com. The figures above are only for the people in the U.S.

I was kind of surprised that so many people were feeling so good. I feel like I'm watching a bad car accident about to happen in slow motion. Anna and I ended the evening feeling a little sad and a little anxious for the people in New Orleans.

Anna and I prayed long and hard for the people on the gulf coast this evening. We even prayed about how we knew God has more power than that hurricane and asked Him to stop it in its tracks if it's His will to do so.

And then we brainstormed about how we could help some of those people tomorrow. Anna's first response was, "Let's send them some blankets!" LOL! She's never experienced the suffocating heat and humidity of New Orleans. When I told her about it she wanted to send them all fans. So I explained to her that they probably wouldn't have electricity to run the fans. Her final decision was that we should send them lots and lots and lots of flashlights. And she plans on making some "gigantic" cards tomorrow to send also.

Since I only have $5.37 in my checking account, she suggested I use my 'mergency money in my Paypal account. It's a whopping $43. I think this classifies as a 'mergency, don't you?

Pooh has ADHD!

2005-08-26T16:35:00.000-07:00

I've been reading stories from "The House At Pooh Corner" to Anna at night and I think Pooh and I have a lot in common!

"One day when Pooh was thinking, he thought he would go and see Eeyore, because he hadn't seen him since yesterday. And as he walked through the heather, singing to himself, he suddenly remembered that he hadn't seen Owl since the day before yesterday, so he thought that he would just look in at the Hundred Acre Wood on the way and see if Owl was at home.
Well, he went on singing, until he came to the part of the stream where the stepping-stones were, and when he was in the middle of the third stone he began to wonder how Kanga and Roo and Tigger were getting on, because they all lived together in a different part of the Forest. And he thought, "I haven't seen Roo for a long time, and if I don't see him today it will be a still longer time." So he sat down on the stone in the middle of the stream, and sang another verse of his song, while he wondered what to do.
The other verse of the song was like this:

I could spend a happy morning Seeing Roo,
I could spend a happy morning Being Pooh.
For it doesn't seem to matter,
If I don't get any fatter
(And I don't get any fatter),
What I do.

The sun was do delightfully warm, and the stone, which had been sitting in it for a long time, was so warm, too, that Pooh had almost decided to go on being Pooh in the middle of the stream for the rest of the morning, when he remembered Rabbit."

That about sums up my life.

The story does go on a bit more with Pooh sitting on the rock being Pooh and singing. Eventually "he was doing what he had always meant to do, he was stumping off to Piglet's house."

What Classic Movie Am I?

2005-08-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

How Depressing! I've never seen the movie. I'm told it was based on a book called "Heart of Darkness". Creepy.

What famous leader am I?

2005-08-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm a sucker. I fell for another stupid web personality test! And I even chose to answer all 45 questions. Afterall, one mustn't compromise the accuracy of these scientific assessments. I hit the link on Thordora's site, "Spin me I Pulsate". Not surprisingly, considering some nearly identical personality traits we've discovered we have in common, my results were the same as hers.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I had never really considered Einstein a "leader" before, just a crazy, genius scientist!

First Day of School

2005-08-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school in our public school district. Today would have been the first day of kindergarten for Anna. It was a very weird feeling. The first day of kindergarten has become such a rite of passage, for both the mother and the child. A meaningful day traditionally filled with both sorrow and joy.

We've actually completed most of kindergarten, but have chosen to continue labeling her as being in kindergarten because her age would have kept her from starting school until this year. Sunday school and dance class divide kids up by grade, not ability. Last fall Anna failed to convince her Sunday school teacher to move her out of the preschool class and into the kindergarten class. (She was starting kindergarten at home.) Her birthday is in September and she was ready even though her birthday is past the official cut-off date. The teacher solved the problem by allowing Anna to be her "helper" and assist with teaching the younger children. She has gladly accepted the fact that kindergarten is a two-year program.

David started his first class at the local community college Monday. I was so worried that he would have a difficult time staying focused while listening to a lecture and taking notes. He's taking biology, which involves a degree of rote memorization--one of his weaknesses. I can only thank God for placing him with the teacher he has. I just don't believe in coincidences. All her lectures are on Powerpoint, which she makes available on the internet before each lecture. This is so perfectly suited to his learning style! I'm still in awe that he "accidentally" ended up in her section. Like all biology classes, evolution is taught as science, rather than theory, but I was thrilled to see in her syllabus that she differentiates between micro and macro evolution. I think adaptation within a species has obviously been proven by science, but I have can find no evidence to support the theory that one species can evolve into another. It looks like she's keeping the door open for real dialogue on the topic.

He has a full load this year: Biology 101 with lab, English Composition, Speech, Geometry, U.S. History, Japanese II, and Advanced Electronics. This could be a tough year for both of us. I'm feeling a need to step back from the organizational and scheduling duties which cause so much arguing and friction between us. I just don't think I can handle another year of fighting with him all year to do his school work. And sometimes I wonder if I'm actually helping him or if I'm keeping him from learning how to do it himself.

Sometimes I find myself dreaming of what I could be doing and learning myself if I wasn't homeschooling. Maybe I could finish my degree. Take art classes. Paint all day.... ahh the bliss. But in my heart of hearts, I know I'm doing what's right. This season will pass, actually much faster than I would like, and there will be time later for other pursuits. And in spite of the hardship and sacrifice involved, I find great joy and peace in the positive family relationships and dynamics that homeschooling naturally develops.

When I watch my husband and daughter outside in matching gardening hats, working together to plant and nurture the seedlings they joyfully chose together; getting dirty together, laughing together; learning together... I know one day she'll be grown up, the opportunity for moments such as these gone, and we'll rejoice that we invested in treasure that does not rot and cannot be stolen by thieves.

If only art school would stop calling my name .......

Does anyone know anything about this translation?

2005-08-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

The New Testament by Richmond Lattimore

I just started reading this translation by Richmond Lattimore and am very intrigued by it. Lattimore was a scholarly Greek translator who translated many of the Greek classics into English. His translations of classics like "The Iliad" and "Euripides" are said to be superior and highly accurate translations from the original language. He was a professor of Greek at Bryn Mawr for many years.

I do have questions though. I'm wondering why I have never heard about it from anyone within the church. I did a thorough Google search, looking for either acceptance or condemnation from church leaders and could find neither. I did find many positive reviews from scholars and book reviewers. All the reviews on Amazon are positive.

I realize that many Christians only recognize the authority of the King James or New King James Version as inerrant and don't recognize any other translations as accurate.

Lattimore was very intentional about translating literally, word for word. Yet, it has more of the feel of a real narrative than any other translation I've read. He took great care to preserve the writing style of each human author who wrote down God's inspired Word. Since God chose humans to be the instruments of recording his Word, it makes sense to me that He would have a purpose for choosing each particular person who wrote it down. Therefore it also makes sense to me to preserve the human writing style of each chosen person when translating.

Most translations have been done by committees who have kind of homogenized the style of each translation into a unified whole. When studying the Bible, I use as many Greek or Hebrew concordances, dictionaries, and lexicons as I can get my hands on. I want to see and understand the original Greek or Hebrew words. It's my dream to study Hellenistic Greek and be able to read the New Testament in its original language. I know that there is some debate about the original language of some of the books. And I know that most likely Jesus didn't speak His original words in Greek. But as far as I can tell, Greek is the closest we can get to the original.

Have any of you read this translation? Have you read anything about this translation that would discredit it? I love reading it. It reads like someone is telling a narrative and seems much more alive and exciting to me than some other translations I've read. But that could just be the newness and novelty of it.

What do you think?

More Pictures from David

2005-08-12T13:18:00.000-07:00

David has been busy with his camera again. I had to choose from several hundred photos. His goal was to get some good close-up shots of bees. The pictures I chose weren't the very best bee pictures he took, but the ones I like the best.

By the end of last summer we had a perfectly round dead spot in the middle of our backyard where Anna's pool had been. When the grass didn't grow back in the spring, DH decided to scatter a mixture of sunflower seeds in the ugly brown spot. The result is breathtaking! Sunflowers are my favorite flower and we've got all different varieties of differing heights and colors, which attract a steady stream of goldfinches and other pretty birds. (Also bees!)

The pansy is a surprise from one of the 15 planted pots on the patio. They had all died back in the heat and this one plant just came back to life and spontaneously bloomed.

The bottom photo is from the wildflower garden DH planted just for me. He adds to it each year and the black-eyed susans have multiplied beyond our expectations. He also threw in some of the sunflower seeds left from the sunflower garden. I'm hoping next year he'll put in a little stone path leading to a park bench, where I can just sit end enjoy the beauty.

(This is only a small sample of what I have to water when he leaves town. As you can see, the results are worth it! Plus I've lost my reputation as "the plant killer".)

Reformation for the Coming Generation?

2005-08-10T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm almost afraid to allow comments on this post for fear of the attacks I'm setting myself up for. Please be easy on me! I hope you can disagree with me without attacking me personally.

I watched the movie "Luther" today as I walked on the treadmill. As I watched, my mind became flooded with the idea that the Protestant church today is not all that much different than the church that Luther wanted to reform.

Do we not rely on pastors, teachers, and writers to tell us what the Scriptures mean? How many of us truly believe we can pick up a Bible--that doesn't include study notes, commentaries, cross-references, or maps--and understand what God is saying without explanation and interpretation from men and women who have more knowledge and authority than we have?

How different would we be if we could read the New Testament without the influence or interpretation of any church or man? If we just read what God says and nothing else? The first thing I think we'd become aware of is the continuous running theme of God's incredible love for us. The New Testament is basically a love letter, not a rule book.

Aren't denominational differences based on different rites, traditions, rules, and interpretations of God's Word created by men?

Luther's original goal was not to dismantle or divide the church he loved, but to reform it; to conform it to Scripture. He thought ordinary people were capable of reading the Bible and basing their faith solely on the authority of the Word of God, rather than relying on the authority of the church and its traditions as a basis for their relationship with God.

During Luther's time, the church interpreted Scripture and presented the doctrines they created as God's infallible Word. To disagree with the church or any one of their authoritative leaders was regarded as rejection of God Himself and considered heresy.

Don't our beloved Protestant churches basically do the same thing? They create man-made rules and doctrines which members are required to believe in order to be a member of that particular church. Some denominations forbid women to wear pants or cut their hair and regard those of us who do these things to be less righteous and holy, possibly even going to hell.

Some ban dancing, even though God has not written a commandment against it, but, on the contrary, even encourages it. (David danced like a fool for God and embarrassed his wife!) They imply directly or indirectly that how well their rules are followed determine how righteous a person is. Jesus taught that all righteousness comes from Him alone and absolutely cannot be gained by rule following.

And what of the money changing which has become so prevalent in some of the larger churches and ministries? Many churches now operate by using common successful, business models. Yet, the church was never intended to be a business. Jesus made that quite clear when he overturned the tables of the money changers at the temple with His rare vehement display of anger.

You can find a preacher on TV any day or night who will guarantee miracles, prosperity, or heaven itself if you send their "ministry" some money. What's the difference between that and the practice of indulgences Luther was fighting?

Even the homeschool support group I belong to required me to sign a lengthy statement of faith in order to be a member. Yet Christ welcomed prostitutes, tax collectors, and lepers--the uncleanest of the unclean.

It just makes me wonder.... Could God be preparing the church for another reformation? And if He is, who is He preparing to lead it?

Would you like to ride.........

2005-08-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening I was once again outside watering my husband's multitude of plants while he is once again out of town when a big, bright, multi-colored balloon flew very low right over us. I could see he was starting to come down and was scanning the horizon for a clear field.

I dropped the hose and yelled at Anna, "Get in the car, we're going balloon chasing!" She fumbled around looking for her shoes and whining, not understanding what the big emergency was, but we finally got in the car, only to find the balloon out of sight. I was just a little irritated at my dear daughter for thinking her shoes were more important than keeping the balloon in sight.

Not to be deterred however, I drove in the general direction the balloon was heading last time I saw it. Knowing the area pretty well, I also knew where the best fields for a balloon landing were.

We turned a corner and "Yes!” there it was! We followed it as best we could while it descended lower and lower, arriving at the edge of several empty lots in a new subdivision just in time for us to watch its final descent. (I kind of drove through the corner of someone's yard in the process.... but that's a different story.)

We jumped out of the car and plodded through overgrown weeds, rocks, and heavy machinery tire ruts (I could have used a machete) and were within 10 feet of the balloon when it touched ground. It was huge and loud and beautiful!

Now extremely glad I had waited for Anna to put on her shoes (and ashamed at my previous irritation), we watched in awe and wonder as the chase crew carefully brought the balloon down for a nice soft landing.

Then the pilot invited us up close and showed us the flame that makes the air hot and let us look up inside the balloon, which he told us holds 77,000 cubic feet of air. We continued watching as they deflated the balloon and crammed it into a bag about 3ft. square.

The entire time, the pilot and crew talked to us, explaining what they were doing and invited Anna to touch the balloon and to look into it from the top as it was deflating. They showed her the giant fan in the trailer which was used to inflate it.

Then the icing on the cake was when the pilot invited Anna to get into the basket and take a look around. I had run out of the house without my camera, but a member of the chase crew had a digital and took her picture, which they e-mailed to me today.

I have always been fascinated by hot air balloons and it's one of my dreams to one day get to ride in one.

In the car on the way home, Anna and I talked about how the pilot controls the altitude of the balloon by controlling the temperature of the air with the flame. She got a thrill along with an impromptu science lesson she couldn't have gotten from a textbook and will likely never forget.

Homeschooling with ADD at its best! (If only I had remembered to finish watering the plants.)

Why Flamingos?

2005-08-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

I'm having several thoughts this morning as I blog instead of spending my time in Bible study and before my medication has taken affect. (Please forgive the rambling and apparent disconnection of thoughts... they do somehow connect in my own mind!)

First, I don't understand why I get so many hits from Google image searches for "flamingos". It's just a silly photo of pink flamingos in my front yard I set up to make a statement about suburban conformity. At least 5-10 people a day open that archived page. I reposted the photo with a link leading to a sight that will sell a print, or coffee mug or whatever, yet, nobody has liked it enough to follow the link. They are apparently happy to view the photo and/or copy it in low resolution for their own use. Does anyone know why the interest in this flamingo photo? The photo of the bird's nest (scroll down to April 4 to see photo) in my grill also gets lots of image hits. This also is a mystery to me.

Thank you for the loyal readers who continue to come back and read my posts in spite of my decrease in posting frequency. Since I don't surf on BE anymore, I get way fewer hits, but the people how do come, do so out of interest, rather that putting in their 30 seconds to gain BE credits. Still, I think some of the people who do come back discovered my blog originally through BE... so I have mixed feelings about abandoning BE. I get more hits per day from people looking for photos of flamingos than from people who are interested in what I write!

It's time to change my sidebar. I've taken many books on my book list back to the library, finished a few (unusual for me), and started a few more. I also need to add links to others' blogs I read (when I make the time play). Don't feel slighted if I'm a regular at your blog, but don't have you linked. Let me know if you want one, because I forget sometimes which ones I want to read and have lost a few that I really like to read.

I've been spending a lot of time trying to plan our upcoming homeschooling year and trying to raise the money to buy curriculum. I've sold a bunch of books on E-Bay for that purpose. Unfortunately, my daughter has the same love of books that I do and has wanted to keep a majority of the books I bought last year, with the intention of reselling them to buy more books this year. I don't have the heart to take them away. So that leaves me with a cash shortage for buying more books and materials. I can find most of what I need for Anna from the library and on the internet, but good high school resources are not as easy to come by for free.

We're trying Teaching Textbooks for geometry this year. It looks like an awesome program and David is really excited about using it after looking at the sample lessons online. But it's not cheap!

Sheesh! I just got sidetracked on Amazon looking for good non-textbook American history books for David. Now Anna's up and hungry and talking a mile a minute and I've totally forgotten where I was going with this post! Possibly nowhere!?

Skip Counting to Chicago

2005-08-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

Chicago Skyline from Navy Pier

Well, I'm glad to finally get back to blogging, although, I still probably won't be posting as frequently as before. I had thought that by stopping my addiction to surfing for credits on BE cold turkey, I would add some much needed hours to my day. Unfortunately, I just found other things to do on the internet, which also stole my time without my explicit permission.

I still enjoy blogging though and I'm hoping to become a "responsible blogger."

I've been deeply pondering my homeschooling philosophy this past month. My goal for this fall was to implement a very structured schedule that would help ground both Anna and me. The experts say children with ADD need lots of structure. But...

A highly structured school environment combined with Ritalin can improve grades and make classroom management easier, yet I wonder if it truly leads to better educated students.

As I've been trying to organize the piles of homeschooling papers from last year, I found five books Anna has written and illustrated over the past year. (Actually, she dictated and I wrote very fast.) My foggy brain had forgotten how much we had done over the past year.

On the way to Chicago Anna learned skip counting by 2's, 5's, and 10's up to 100. It was fun and happened painlessly and easily. Dare I say even joyfully? Had she been sitting at a desk with a workbook, it would have been stressful for the both of us and we would have gotten frustrated with each other and put it aside for the next day. Yes, she would have learned it eventually, but at what cost? While learning skip counting she would also have absorbed the message that learning is boring, stressful, and NOT fun. Is this really what I want?

It occurred to me as I've been trying to add a whole lot of structure and routine into our homeschooling day that she has learned so much in the last year with so very little effort or work... and with a very loose schedule or none at all. I just had an attitude of teaching and she had curiosity and an intense desire to learn.... and so she learned.

I don’t' know how that translates into this year's plan, but I don't think I'm going to structure it as tightly as I had been planning. First of all, I realize that when I try to rigidly structure my own day, I become enslaved by my lists and feel miserable. I thrive on fun and creativity and jumping from one thing to another as I feel the impulse. Yet, without some kind of structure, I am unable to accomplish anything at all and just bounce around from one thing to another. Too much chaos also makes me miserable, as well as overwhelmed. I guess the key is balance. One of those things I find quite impossible to achieve!

I'm hoping the new counselor I started with last week will help me learn this badly-needed balance. She specializes in treating women with ADD. And what a relief! She actually understands and relates to how my brain works! She has ADD herself, yet is functional enough to run several businesses and teach seminars too!

She knew what to say to help me find my way to her office without sounding condescending, patronizing, or judgmental. I remember when I told my psychiatrist that I frequently forget to eat and have written it into my morning routine, he was incredulous. He said, "You mean you actually have 'eat breakfast' typed into your computer?” in a tone like he thought that surely I must be kidding; nobody could be that dingy!

I didn't check my list Friday, the day I went to see my new counselor for the first time and, guess what, I had forgotten to eat. When I don't eat, my brain fades away completely, leaving me in a sleepy stupor. She needed to ask a lot of questions as part of my initial assessment. I told her I had forgotten to eat and was having a hard time thinking and asked if there was a vending machine nearby. She said congenially, "Oh, I don't even want you to try to answer without eating! I won't be able to get all the information I need. Let me get you something to eat." And she brought me some yogurt! She didn't seem shocked or surprised at all that I could have forgotten to eat and was prepared for the problem by having food on hand!

I see her again Friday. In September, she's facilitating a support group of women with ADD that will meet twice a month. I'm most excited about THAT! Imagine.... a whole room full of women who have brains that work the same as mine does?! I'm hoping that maybe for the first time in my life I won't feel like such a square peg trying to fit in with a bunch of round pegs, all the while trying to pretend I am a round peg. I'm hoping I'll feel a connection and a sense of belonging that has so far been lacking in my life, especially in group settings.

I've been working on this post for several days, forcing myself to stop when it was time to get Anna ready for bed. A major victory! Hooray for me! I installed a free alarm program on my computer that rings church bells every 15 minutes to help me keep track of time. It also barks loudly when it's time to get Anna ready for bed. When the dogs start barking, she comes running! I am blogging responsibly! LOL

For His Glory!

2005-07-31T18:17:00.000-07:00

"Satan may mean the internet for evil, but I'm gonna come and grab that thing for glory." --Beth Moore

I'll be Back!

2005-07-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been almost a week since my last post! I've intended to do it everyday. Like usual, I also neglected to do many other things which I intended to do.

We have some photos of a tree frog I found between the glass storm door and the back door we're adding to our backyard project book that I want to post. I'm going to repost the photo of Anna at vacation Bible school. I've started a few new books I want to tell about and add to my links list. I intend on doing all that. Soon.

But tomorrow we're piling into the old minivan and heading to Chicago to the Museum of Science and Industry. We bought a big cooler for food and drinks and are using free hotel points to stay at a hotel with free breakfasts. Jim has been wanting to see that submarine for ages at the museum.

When I was young, I used to spend months at a time with my grandparents who lived in a suburb just outside of Chicago. I had my own room there, decorated with pink ruffles and bows. I have many memories of riding the train into town and taking taxis to all the different museums and attractions. The Museum of Science and Industry was always my favorite.

I also loved to drive by the Picasso sculpture because my grandmother would proudly tell us everytime we went by how my grandfather, a metal worker, had made the eyes of the statue. Obviously, we must have been very special for our grandfather to have had such a high honor!

I'm wondering what kind of memories and feelings I'll have while we're there. My grandmother isn't alive anymore. The last time I went to the museum with her, we had to sit down and rest for what seemed like ages on every bench in sight so she could catch her breath. I didn't see much of the museum and felt a mixture of dissapointmet, frustration, and fear.

Even after the doctors told her the cigarettes were destroying her lungs, she kept on smoking. And when she was bedridden with a tank of oxygen as her constant companion, she would still remove the hose periodically to inhale the deadly smoke that was causing her an early, slow, and painful death.

Will I delight in the wonderful memories of having a slow cup of tea, heavy with cream and sugar, at the train station while waiting for our train? Or will I feel the grief and anger of a child bearing the weight of yet another abandonment?

I'll find out tomorrow.

Photos Deleted.

2005-07-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

As a result of reading a post on Blest with Sons which referred to a post I read by David Boles about pedophiles on the web, I have removed all photos of my children from my blog. He made some very good points which I took to heart. The article he refers to, Personal Picture Danger, also effectively gave the same message.

I have no words to express the anger, disgust, and sorrow I feel.

So You "Don't Believe in" ADD?

2005-07-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

Upper Cabinets without Handles

Lower Cabinets without Handles

I generally try to keep my posts positive and upbeat. I usually don't post on really bad days. At least not on this blog. I used to have an anonymous blog where I could ramble on and on with as much negativity as I felt. I deleted it last Friday, choosing to maintain only one blog.

I have a long line of beautiful oak cabinets in my kitchen. The kind with no knobs or handles. The intention is to be able to just grab the bottom corner and open the cabinet. When we moved into our house four years ago, I told my mother I was going to put knobs on the cabinets because I kept trying to open them from the wrong side and getting frustrated. She said the knobs would ruin the look of the cabinets and that I would get used to which direction they open very quickly.

Four years later, I still grab the wrong side of the door and try to pull it open the wrong direction. Only now, I not only get frustrated, I tell myself, "I am such an idiot! I should know which direction the cabinets open after four years of trying. Why can't I figure this out? I must be a complete moron!"

I'm putting knobs on those cabinets! They are MY cabinets and I can whatever I want to do to them! And don't try telling me that ADD doesn't exist!

I wish the people who say ADD doesn't really exist and can't be scientifically proven (it can), could get inside my head today. They would believe.

Before writing this post, I went around my house and took digital pix of all the piles and messes with the intent of posting them. I have since decided against it, because it would just add fuel to the fire of my self-loathing.

I am considerably better since I went on medication, but unfortunately, not cured. This is pretty typical for people with ADD. It really never goes away. You just learn coping strategies, which would be impossible to implement without the medication.

And in all honesty, the medication treats the symptoms I was told it would treat. I can now make lists and follow through, crossing things off as I finish them. I can finish a project once I start it. It helps that I went through the basement and the house and got rid of all unfinished projects except my painting and a cross-stitch Christmas stocking I've been working on for 18 years. I started it when Matthew was a baby. I'll present it to Anna this year if I finish it by the holidays.

Today, I feel enslaved by my lists. Yes, I can now do dishes and laundry. We need clean dishes and laundry. But the medication doesn't make me enjoy the tasks. Neither does it make me faster. I do everything slower than most people. I even eat slower. It's a standing joke in my family. I eat half my meal alone most nights. My husband offers to stay sometimes, but I'd rather eat alone than sit there while he impatiently watches me eating, waiting...

My daily lists don't allow me to do the things I need to do to nourish my soul. I need large chunks of uninterrupted time for painting, reading, and just sitting on my porch and looking at the flowers. But the list says, "If you don't do the dishes now, you won't have any clean for dinner." And "Jim is going to run out of clean underwear soon and is leaving for another long trip so you better do some laundry." Or "That orange mold in the shower is going to make someone sick."

On my bad days, I just ignore the "The List" and escape into my computer, which only makes the list grow longer, making it even more difficult to make time for self-nourishing activities. Even showers are becoming difficult to fit in. Unless you have ADD, you can have no idea how this affects a person's self-esteem. People like the "can do" attitude of the Nike slogan, "Just Do It!" Except that strategy doesn't work for people like me. I can't do "it". I want to. I struggle with the self-hatred that comes with my inability to do small things which come so easily to others.

It's "that time" of the month and I'm sure next week at this time, life will look much rosier!

Can Sony Cure ADD With Radio Waves?

2005-07-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

Sony has just patented a method to directly manipulate your brain by beaming ultrasound at targeted regions in your head. With the right level and location of stimulation, Sony aims to make you smell Tacos or taste strawberries--all through the power of radio waves.

I read this in the magazine "Mobile Technology to Go". I also found links to stories on the patent at various locations on the internet: New Scientist.com and Times Online among others. Does "The Matrix" come to mind?

What I'm wondering is if they can manipulate my senses with radio waves, why couldn't they manipulate the neurons that misfire and cause me to me to forget things, get lost, hyperfocus, and live in chaos and disorganization?

The author of one of the articles I read believed it was mostly a publicity move, but some scientists seemed to think it's actually a possibility.

What if? I'm not sure if it's terrifying or exciting?!

Backyard Project

2005-07-09T03:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we finally started on a project I've been meaning to work on all summer. We are creating a notebook cataloguing and identifying everything living thing in our backyard. I thought beginning with the trees would be easiest.

We started with a hand-drawn map by Anna of our backyard. Then Anna took a picture (with no assistance I might add) of every tree in the yard. Each tree has a corresponding number on the map. Then I cropped and sized the photos and inserted one photo at the top of separate pages, leaving room at the bottom for a leaf sample and a bark rubbing, which we'll hopefully get to today. Lastly, we'll add the identification of each tree.

After the trees we'll do the same for the many species of flowers, both in the ground and in pots. I've told her to keep the camera handy to take photos of different birds or animals she sees in the yard. She'll probably be hand-drawing many of these, actually! I haven't decided yet how we're going to do the insects. I think I'll probably have plenty of time to figure it out because it will probably be next summer before we get to them at the rate we're going!

No Access to Public School Curriculum!

2005-07-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the school district office to pick up a copy of the curriculum they use for kindergarten and first grade. Although they post a summary on their website, it contains a lot of vague language and little detail. I wanted it so I could make sure I'm not leaving any gaps in case Anna was to end up in the public school system. The scope and sequence can vary widely in different districts.

I didn't just pop it and surprise them. I called several days earlier and requested a complete curriculum for both grades. I was very forthcoming as to my reason for wanting it. I was told that each subject contained up to 200 pages and I would be charged 10 cents per page. After considering this, I decided I would settle with only language arts and math. The woman I talked to was very congenial and told me I could come by the next day and pick it up.

I was handed a thin envelope by the receptionist and told I owed $1.70. They had copied the exact same thing already available online for free. I asked to speak to the assistant who had made the copies. She told me she just did what she was told. So I asked to speak to someone else. The next woman told me that if I wanted the complete curriculum I would have to wait weeks, if not months, because she would have to schedule time for the copier, which was used continually all day and there weren't any open slots until the end of August.

On to the next level of administration. The next woman asked me flat out if I was a teacher and if I had a teaching certificate. She told me the curriculum was only available to teachers in the district and was basically lesson plans which I probably didn't need anyway. She was very resolute and unwilling to budge. No amount of talking could change her mind, although I did talk her into making me copies of all the sight words, sight phrases, and blends required for K-3. (I have no idea how she managed to get on the copier schedule so quickly!)

I don't know what conversations took place after my telephone call, but they had obviously decided that as a homeschooler, I wasn't entitled to the curriculum. I'm going to look into it, but I think as a resident of the school district, they are required by law to provide that information. My tax dollars paid for that curriculum!

I'm Getting a Brain!

2005-07-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin' My heart all full of pain. I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry, If I only had a brain.

Well, I finally did it! I ordered a Palm Zire 31!I've been talking about taking the plunge for about two months now, so it doesn't classify as in impulse purchase. Does it? It was unfortunate that it was a holiday weekend and my bank only posts transactions on business days. So I had no way of knowing how much money was in my account and was afraid I might go negative, so I ended up charging it. I'll have some explaining to do when my husband gets the bill.

My entire brain is located in Outlook on my laptop and I live in perpetual fear that I'll lose everything if my hard drive crashes. So every morning, I spend a lot of time printing everything out that was changed the day before. Then at least I'd have everything on paper and could reenter it if I had to.

I have a very long main task list, grouped into categories, a daily task list, and multiple project task lists. In order for me to accomplish a task bigger than getting out of bed, I have to break it down into multiple parts, each a separate task. I can't just put "do laundry" on the list. If I did, I would likely throw a load of clothes into the washer and wonder three days later what the nasty smell was in the laundry room.

I have a weekly goal task list, a homeschool task list, and a list of all of my husband's plants I have to water when he's gone. Last month, after he came back from a week-long trip, he asked me why I hadn't watered the big pot by the front door. I had walked by it multiple times every day and it obviously appeared to be suffering. But it wasn't on the list! It is now.

My calendar is in Outlook, with all appointments and birthdays entered. Six days before a birthday, I get an automatic reminder. Since I started using Outlook, I've only missed one family birthday. (Which might actually be worse than forgetting all of them, because now that one person may feel slighted. At least before, no one person felt singled out for rejection, since I forgot everyone). My address book, shopping lists, books I want to read, passwords; everything: it's all in Outlook.

So I will be thrilled to be able to carry my brain around with me wherever I go, as well as have a backup.

I am, however, a little worried about a comment a friend made last week after I told her I was getting one. She said, "It took you a whole month to figure out how to keep your new watch from beeping in the middle of the night and then when you finally did, you lost it. How are you going to figure out how to use a Palm Pilot and keep from losing it?" I think she thought she was being funny.

The gauntlet has been thrown! I have been challenged! I will learn how to use the Palm and I will not lose it. Just to show her I can do it.

Link to Great July 4th Post

2005-07-04T05:13:00.000-07:00

I just read this post from Blest with Sons, whose husband is deployed in Iraq and thought it was worth sharing. I always prefer to link back to a site, rather than re-post another's great thoughts.

Evidence of My Watering Skills

2005-07-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

Are these plants Happy or Sad?

I've Been on 'Task List' Vacation this Week

2005-07-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, I've been learning some HTML and CSS this week and have been refurbishing my blog design. I've been rebelling against my task list and have spent way too much time playing. But it's been way more fun than laundry and dishes, which unfortunately have not disappeared but instead have profusely multiplied. I've messed with the colors and fonts a little, gotten rid of the ads, inserted a Bible verse I've been meditating on a lot lately, inserted thumbnail links to art prints, lists of the books I'm currently reading, as well as my favorite blogs. I also spent quite a bit of time redesigning the banner, but then decided I liked the old one better. Now, I'm trying to decide about the background. I really like it and can't think of anything I'd like better, but I worry that people will be offended by DaVinci's Vetruvian Man without so much as a fig leaf loin cloth. I manipulated the original image a lot to fade it and alter the hues so it wouldn't be so noticeable, but I couldn't just erase part of this classic iconic image! No one has complained yet, but I keep expecting it to happen. The list of books I'm reading keeps growing as I find books all around the house with bookmarks in them. I was overjoyed to find Delivered from Distraction! I had totally forgotten about it and it's one of the best books I've read so far on adult ADD. I only have a few chapters left to read and might actually finish it! It's probable that I won't finish all of the books on the list and will have to return them to the library after all six renewals are used up. I still have some library books I checked out but haven't opened up yet. They'll get added when I start reading them. I'll remove each book after I've either returned it to the library, sold it, or shelved it. And, yes I linked them all to Amazon. Oh, the shame of it! But I figured if I was going to make a book list anyway, it couldn't hurt to link them to Amazon. And someone may actually want to see what the book looks like. Right? Jim comes home from St. Martin tonight. I will be so glad to take a break from watering his multitude of plants and flowers! I love him a lot, but enough is enough! Before taking medication, I had a pretty solid reputation as a "Plant Killer", which automatically exempted me from watering duty. I actually volunteered for the hot, daily, drudgery this time! I asked for a schedule of how often each plant and bed needed to be watered and he said, "When the plant looks droopy and kind of sad you give it water. When it looks perky and happy, you don't". Huh? I just soaked them all everyday. That wasn't such a good idea. I think many of them may be looking a little yellow and (dare I say it?) "sad". No doubt I'll get my old title back!

Updating the Surf Board!

2005-07-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

If I was there, I'd be very grateful for the warning of when to stay away!

Last Airplane ... I Promise!

2005-07-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Jim will hopefully be flying home tomorrow so I won't be receiving anymore airplane pix. Darn. I've only posted a fraction of what he's actually sent. He's supposed to be eating dinner tonight with his passengers in a villa on the French side and is hoping to get some good pix of the countryside on the way.

Don't Ignore Danger Signs on Beaches

2005-07-01T07:20:00.000-07:00

My husband took this photo of a sign near an outside restaurant/bar on the beach at Saint-Martin. He said there is a surf board stuck in the sand by the bar with the times the jets pass over scrawled on it. The airport runway is just behind the beach.

Jet Flying Directly Over Beach!

2005-07-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

These planes sometimes apparently fly as close as 10 feet above the beach. Thus the need for the signs.

Some People Don't Read Signs!

2005-07-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Jim said he ran from the bar to try and catch the guy on the left flying through the air down the hill but just missed it! I wonder if they put up the sign in response to people actually being injured or killed by the jet blasts?

Newest Trend in Hairstyles?

2005-07-01T06:43:00.000-07:00

This one cracked me up! Gotta love that hair!

Update! I just got an e-mail from Jim that they have a live webcam and he'll be eating lunch there today! Live Sunset Bar Deck Webcam.

P.S. I didn't include any of the photos of topless and near nude women nonchalantly enjoying the beach. One photo was of a woman standing in the street talking to someone in a stopped car wearing nothing but the bottom of a thong bikini. Nobody in the photo even seemed to notice she was almost nekkid! I'm quite sure my husband noticed though! LOL!

Update on Spider Web Booby Trap

2005-06-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

2005-06-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

It's really weird, but this week the spider has decided her web is big enough just going across the corner and has not been spinning it across the whole door frame. No need to remember to duck anymore! The useless sticky note has been removed. I couldn't get a picture of her in the web because she kept running away.

"Analyze that!"

A Few ADD Moments this Week

2005-06-27T16:56:00.000-07:00

It seems that medication does not eradicate all ADD symptoms; not even close. So instead of my initial profound disappointment upon realizing that a magic pill isn't going to fix me, I've decided to try and see humor in my ADD foibles.

DH laughs at this one everyday!

A large spider has taken up residence in the door frame of our back glass sliding door. Every night she weaves a huge, beautiful, web right across the door opening. Every day I open the door and walk right through the web, getting it stuck in my hair and all over my face. This had gotten so frustrating that finally, this week, I made a sticky note on bright neon orange paper that says, "Watch out for spider web!" and stuck it at eye level on the door.

It didn't work. Still, everyday I walk right through that #$%# web! My husband told me I remind him of the girl in "50 First Dates". DH thinks it’s hilarious. I'm trying very hard to see the humor!

We do get a reward from my mental confusion. Each night we get to watch the spider come out of hiding and rebuild the broken web, which is fascinating and entertaining. David has been trying to get a good photo through the glass and I'll post one when he succeeds.

(Update: I just got back from my psych who says the spider web thing isn't about ADD at all but issues surrounding my mother! Hmm... I'll have to think about that!)

I haven't laughed at this next one yet! (Maybe tomorrow.)

Yesterday morning, for no apparent reason, my wireless connection on my laptop just disappeared. I spent all the rest of the day troubleshooting the problem, becoming increasingly frustrated and panicky. I had no e-mail, no internet, and couldn't even print my lists. I'm networked to the printer in the basement which only has a parallel port.

I did several restores, troubleshooting wizards, uninstalling and installing drivers, re-installing original software from the recovery disk, running system diagnostics, virus scans, disk scans and spyware scans. Still, I had no connection. I came to the conclusion that the driver software had somehow gotten corrupted.

Finally, I made the decision to back-up all my data and reformat. A HUGE endeavor, as anyone who has done it knows. I had a stack of blank disks and the recovery disks in my hands when I noticed a little slide switch on the front of my laptop. It was in the "off" position. Yep, that switch controls my wireless card. I had never noticed it before and must have accidentally moved it to the "off" position. DUH! I turned it back on and 'voila' I was on the network again!

I wasted an entire day trying to fix this problem! I felt like the stupidest oaf in the world! I am very thankful, however, that I found the problem before reformatting, which definitely would not have fixed the problem and would have probably taken another entire day.

This too had a reward though. The task that stresses me more than any other is grocery shopping and Monday is grocery day. Didn't happen yesterday due to the computer "problem" and we don't have much food in the house. No time to fit it in today, so.... I ordered the groceries on-line this morning and am currently waiting on delivery. Yeah! I absolutely HATE grocery shopping and the total exhaustion I feel afterwards. It stresses my beyond my limits and puts me into what DH calls my "shut down mode", where I am almost comatose, unable even to talk to anyone.

So now, I only have to deal with the exhaustion of driving 45 minutes each direction on several different busy freeways, and all the stressful merges that entails, for my weekly psych visit. It's really a good thing my family loves sandwiches!

(Yeah! I finally finished this post which I have been sporadically working on for several days!)

Worship & Praise at VBS

2005-06-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

We've been on a Serengeti Trek this week! And let me tell you, trekking through Africa is exhausting! The wild safari animals we've encountered have taught us to Know God, Talk to God, Tell about God, Love God, and Work for God. But since they are wild animals, they communicated these truths in wild, loud, stomping, raucous ways. It's an adventure into the realm of structured chaos.

The children absolutely love it! Anna looks forward to VBS all year long. The children are definitely blessed and brought closer to God. Many learn about God for the first time in their lives. It's an awesome and humbling experience to be a part of God's work with the children; as much a blessing for the adult workers (including me) as for the children. But... God showed me an area in which I'm not meant to serve.

This year instead of signing up for one of the stations, helping and teaching each group of children as they rotate between stations (which stay in the same place and don't move), I thought it might be nice to be a Crew Leader, leading the kids from station to station, so I could stay with the same group of children all evening and maybe get to know and love them individually. This was not a good decision.

What I learned about the seven 5 and 6 year-old children entrusted to my care was that they all like to run in different directions, but generally away from me, at the same time. They also like yelling, screaming, hitting, pinching, and rolling around on the floor.

We have 144 children attending this year, each one wearing an identical purple T-shirt. Locating my 7 children in a massive sea of purple T-shirts moving and darting about at lightning speed left me in a state of shell shock by the end of each evening.

They all have snack at the same time, on the floor, in a small carpeted area while our missions coordinator attempts to yell above the cacophony and tell them about the children in Cuamba, Africa, where we have a sister church we support. I could not even put into words the churning and twisting tautness and stress swirling around in my brain and stomach. I'm quite sure I did not feel or look loving.

Most of my time was spent trying to keep the children together and close by. Never mind the training we received instructing us to have attitudes of joy, encouragement, love, acceptance, etc. I spent most of my energy counting heads to make sure I hadn't lost anyone and then chasing down the ones I had lost. I didn't have much energy or time left for all those other wonderful adjectives which apparently describe somebody else.

I think the children truly experienced God in new and big ways. Even with the incredible stress and distress I felt, it was worth it. I definitely don't regret it! There is no better feeling in the world than knowing I made a difference.

But next year I'll be on the decorations committee!

Pink Flamingos

2005-06-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

I've have had so many Google image search hits to this photo, I'd thought I'd move it up and and add a link to order a coffee mug, mousepad, magnet, or postcard with the flamingos printed on them: Suburban Rebellion.

How I Keep From Losing My Billfold

2005-06-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

My friends have been very fascinated by this arrangement and I've tried explaining it via e-mail and on a forum so I thought I'd just post a photo. Jim calls it my "Harley Purse." The billfold and keys don't actually hang out, but are usually in the purse.

My Daddy Reading to Me

2005-06-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know all the details of the ugly divorce that came soon after this picture was taken, but somehow the process left me without a "Daddy".

We love because He first loved us....

2005-06-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

As I emotionally prepare myself to call my father and wish him a happy Father's Day, many conflicting thoughts and emotions wrestle with each other in my brain and in my heart. Above all, I truly want to express love and honor to him today, his day. And yet, that noble ideal, the right thing to do, is in conflict with my feelings of grief, anger, and unforgiveness.

I used to think that when I forgave a person it was a one-time deal; I just forgive, forget, and everything's made right again. Yet, many years and tears later, I've learned it's an ongoing process. Most days I am able to feel love, compassion, and forgiveness for my father. And just when I think I've completed the process, days like today happen, hitting me with such force that it takes all the emotional and spiritual strength I can muster to stay out of the retreat of my darkened bedroom, curled up in the fetal position with the covers pulled up over my head.

In the end, God and His love will win out and I'll call my father offering him the genuine love and honor I so desire to receive in kind from him. For my heart embraces and trusts God's words: "We love because He first loved us."

And the truth is, God, my Father, loves me with a powerful, unconditional love, that does not waver. A true love I can trust; the love that takes away my despair, keeping me out of my bed, and able to extend love to others, including my earthly father.

Will I able to teach my ADD daughter in spite of my own ADD deficiencies?

2005-06-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

As I've watched Anna at her daily swimming lessons the last two weeks, I've tried to closely observe how she responds and interacts with the teacher, looking for signs of ADD and how the teacher would handle it. Although she has not been officially diagnosed, it seems obvious to everyone in the family. And it was quite evident in my observations of the swimming lessons.

I rarely saw Anna looking at her teacher while she was teaching or explaining something. I did, however, see her clandestinely throwing the kickboards into the pool when the teacher's back was turned, climbing out when she should have been in, practicing treading water when she was supposed to be holding on to the side while the teacher was with another child, and chatting with the kid next to her while unaware that her teacher was calling her for her turn. At one point, while waiting her turn, she even snuck into a younger group close by because what they were doing looked more interesting.

I do think the chaotic and loud environment was a contributing factor. There were about seven different classes going on at the same time in different areas of the two pools. The younger classes were reciting nursery rhymes loudly in unison as they learned to jump into the pool. The older classes were learning how to dive on the springboard diving board.

What I found odd is that even though she appeared to pay no attention whatsoever to any group instruction, when it was her turn for the one-on-one practice with the teacher, she knew exactly what to do. Everyday at home she remembered what her "homework" was and insisted on practicing the assignment the teacher had given.

She told me the girls didn't talk much and just sat still and were quiet so she decided to be friends with the boys instead. While David, Matthew, and I have ADD without hyperactivity, it has become quite obvious to me that she has it with hyperactivity.

This is the third time she has taken this level and has mastered all but three of the required skills. She's registered to take the same level class again in July, but her teacher thinks it would be better to give her some private lessons on those last few skills instead and then move her to the next level. She's probably gotten bored with the repetition of the easier skills.

I think homeschooling her is going to be a bigger challenge than I anticipated. I'm wondering if I have the mental fortitude to handle it. I definitely need to research and learn as much as I can so I'll know the best way to teach her. I'm getting a little scared!

Warwick Castle

2005-06-13T05:29:00.000-07:00

As promised, these are some pix from David's adventure. All these are from Warwick Castle. It was hard to choose which ones to use because he took so many great shots. I loved the landscaping around the castle. I thought it softened the image of a cold stone fortress into something beautiful.

Ironic Imagery

2005-06-13T05:28:00.000-07:00

I loved his shots looking out from the archer positions within the castle walls. I especially loved the imagery of this one with the flowers, superimposed with the imagery in my mind of the different view the archers must have had during the heat of battle.

Defensive Position

2005-06-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

Looking out from the same (I think) defensive position in the castle wall. I know there's a name for these, but just can't bring it to mind right now.I loved how he framed the turret through the opening.

Not Sure What This Is?

2005-06-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

Looking out of a turret? I don't really know what this is, but I love the photo. I'll ask David after he wakes up. I'm just a fount of knowledge aren't I?

p.s. David doesn't know either and it's not in the guidebook. He says they've added a lot over the years and this particular dome was of no importance and couldn't be seen from the outside, but just looked like a good photo op.

Light in the Darkness

2005-06-13T05:25:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite photo he took in the castle.

2005-06-12T05:47:00.000-07:00

Prints for Sale!

To see a photo or buy a print of my finished Lego painting, follow this link: Conformity3.

You can also see the finished painting at: Real Artist Wannabe. I'll also be posting a photo of the composition my next painting of a Lego Couple on this site soon.

Since I've also been getting visits everyday from Google image searches for "flamingos", I also uploaded that photo to sell as a print. Unfortunately, the quality was not acceptable for large prints, but you can by mugs, magnets, postcards, and a mouse pad. Follow this link to buy "Flamingos".

David at the Royal Automobile Club

2005-06-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

He enjoyed the formality and exclusivity of the club and felt honored to have a "Royal Invitation." He liked listening to the VIP speakers too.

David Took 350 Pictures!

2005-06-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

We're glad to have David back. He says the experience was "amazing" and "incredible". It's hard not to be jealous. He took over 350 pictures and I'm trying to sort through them and choose which ones I want to post. I'll probably make a few collages and I'll be dividing posts and pics by location. The highlight of the trip for him was Omaha Beach at Normandy. A published historian (he can't remember the name) walked with them and told about the invasion, even impersonating the voices of Churchill and Eisenhouer. He was totally awed by the craters left from the bombings, the German barracks, and the courage it must have taken those men to land at such a vulnerable location.

It hasn't been a great week for me. I've been kind of in a blue funk. I think it's just that time of month. I finished my Lego Painting. Prints are available of it at deviantart. I just ordered the first one, so I don't know yet what the quality will be like.

Anna is well and as active as ever. Matthew is working like a dog trying to earn enough money for college tuition in the fall. I'm afraid he might be failing his summer college algebra course he's taking at the community college. He says he's going to get it together, but I haven't seen it yet.

I'll post more soon on David's trip soon. He took some great pix. Some of his best are of the blooming flowers in Rodin's Garden, LOL. He also took a bunch of castle pictures and by far the most from Normandy. Stay tuned.

David Coming Home Tonight!

2005-06-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

O Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!

He comes home tonight! I can't wait! I hope he took a bunch of good pictures I can post. As hard as it was for me to let him go, it's funny how fast the time went by and how little time I spent worrying and fretting about him. He only called once, on the first day, yet I haven't felt in the least upset about the lack of contact. I know how busy his schedule was and the difficulty in making international calls. I'm just grateful for the call I did receive. I knew that "no news was good news."

Anna's temp this morning is 99.1 and we're in the process of deciding if we should take her to swimming lessons. We're going to get ready and then take her temp again to see if it's going up or down and then make a last minute decision. Her cough is gone and her nose is still just a little bit runny, but she is bouncing off the walls to get out of the house and do something. She doesn't do well being housebound.

Miss Anna on Photo Day

2005-06-06T17:25:00.000-07:00

Photos Deleted

I'm glad we made it to the photo session. I was so tired that night and had decided we didn't need to go because we could take our own photos. We'll be so glad to have those pics even if her pony tail was on the wrong side. I also love the digitals Jim took. He is so much better with the camera than I am. I've finally decided I'm going to have to read the instructions, because I don't really know what all those little symbols mean on the viewing screen. Today I found out the little flower means "macro mode". That would explain my blurry pics.

Anna has added her costume to her dress-up box and I'm sure we'll see her wearing it frequently. She'll be taking a 2-hour daily week-long creative dance class at the end of June and then we'll break until fall. She has two weeks of daily swimming lessons this month and then another two in July. We're taking August off!

I'm adding this extra text at the bottom of this blog so the Vetruvian Man's privates aren't quite so prominent right next to my dear daughter's head. When I chose this background, I was well aware of the problem and blurred and faded it quite a bit so "it" wouldn't be so obvious. This is the first time I've noticed a problem. I hope I don't get a bunch of complaints about my background now in my comments section.

Miss Anna in Recovery

2005-06-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

Anna is doing better today. We are so glad we didn't let her perform in the recital. The recital wasn't the only thing she missed. Sunday was children's Sunday with the kids doing the whole service. Anna missed her part in it. She was also supposed to start swim lessons this morning but couldn't. Her fever is down right now and we're hoping it won't come back during the night so she can go to swim lessons tomorrow.

Her teacher, Miss Michelle, called yesterday to see how she was doing. I thought that was a very nice thing to do. She's asking around to see if anyone video taped her dance at the dress rehearsal the night before. She's even going to post it on her website. I'm still going to buy the DVD of the recital. The whole event is an act or worship and very moving. I'm sorry I missed it even without Anna performing.

Anna is very sick.

2005-06-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

Turns out keeping Anna home tonight was the right choice for more than one reason. By 9:00, her temp had spiked to 103.5 even with the ibuprofen still in her system. I gave her some Tylenol and her temp has dropped to 101.4. In a few more hours I'll give her some Motrin (I threw out the generic ibuprofen which also happened to be expired). Then 4 hours after that, more Tylenol. Looks like it's going to be a long night. Her cough sounds horrible but I can't give her any more cough medicine until 3:30 because it's 12-hour medicine.

Before she fell asleep a few minutes ago, she asked if I would put her costume in her dress-up box. Of course I will.

Oh, the Irony! No Dance Recital

2005-06-04T14:37:00.000-07:00

Anna is sick and will not be performing in her yearly dance recital. It was such a hard decision to make. The ibuprofen brings her fever down and the cough medicine quiets her cough and then she feels fine. She wants to dance. This morning when we told her she might not be able to dance in the recital, she screeched and cried. She says she feels fine, only a little tired. Her dance is 5th on the program and we could have left immediately afterward, with no harm done to her.

She had a low-grade fever and cough this morning, so we figured we'd watch her and make a final decision this afternoon. The morning dose of ibuprofen wore off and her fever started to come back and her cough became more frequent and harsher sounding. Still, we knew medicine would fix both those problems and she'd probably feel fine. So we continued delaying the decision and I fixed her hair with the pony tail on the right side.

And then it was decision time. We wanted to make the final decision before I started putting on the heavy makeup. DH and I went back and forth as the clock kept ticking and time was running out.

In the end, we decided it wouldn't be right to cover up her symptoms and expose the other girls to whatever virus she has, whether Anna felt like dancing or not.

I asked Anna if she were a Mommy with a little girl who was sick just like her, would it be the right thing to take her to her recital. I asked her if she knew in her heart what the right thing was. She was very thoughtful before she answered, but she finally said, "No, if I was a Mommy I wouldn't take her." There were no tantrums or tears like this morning. She knows it's the right choice.

Her Daddy went out and rented some movies and bought her some ice cream and she's content. Actually, I think she's accepted it better than I have. I don't transition to changes in plans very easily, (and these were big and long anticipated plans) and had to fight back the tears.

And now, after the medicine has taken effect, the fever is gone and the cough infrequent, she definitely feels good enough to perform. It would just be so easy to put on that makeup and head for the auditorium.

It does feel good and is some consolation to know we are doing the right thing.

Days until he comes home: 3

I Want to go Back to the Woods!

2005-06-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

I don't think ADD exists in the wild.

I am intentionally writing more posts about adult ADD since my diagnosis and the increase in traffic to my site which came from searches soon after my first posting on the topic.

This has been an ADD afternoon and I am about to mentally, emotionally, and physically shut down into a near comatose state. Time to go to bed and look forward to God's new mercies in the morning.

I can look back at my day now and see the original trigger was stress and anger induced by repeated telephone calls in an attempt to get a written statement verifying the total amount of COBRA health insurance payments we made last year. The university Matthew attends needs verification of all health expenses in order to arrive at the amount of financial aid he will receive.

After repeated prerecorded menus from the insurance company, instructing me to push the button that would connect me to the person I needed to talk to, (I have a hard time listening to these recordings and remembering what the first choice was by the end of the description of the last), I was put on hold and transferred from department to department only to be told that they couldn't give me a statement because the premiums had actually been paid by DH's former employer.

I hate telephones and I especially hate making telephone calls but I pressed on. (Looking back, this is where I should have stopped for the day and continuted the fight another day.) I had already called the previous employer a week ago, and then again this morning, and had not received a call back. Long story short (or at least not quite so long)... the HR guy with the info refuses to give it to me or even talk to me. An underling relayed the message to me that this arrogant, bitter, man told her that he is the ONLY person who can print the statement and that I should just use my cancelled checks from the bank for verification. Problem is, those checks were made out to the employer, not the insurer. So what does that prove?

Apparently some kind of bad mojo went down between my DH and this man, who is now choosing to unjustly punish my son, who is working double shifts trying to earn enough money to go back to college next year.

I had to stop trying to solve this problem, shift gears, and belatedly get Anna ready for her dress rehearsal this evening. I learned today to never, ever put eye makeup on a 5-year-old while she is watching television. We left the house at 5:00, the time we were supposed to have already been there. She looked like she had two black eyes covered with shimmer dust.

I got on the freeway, (merging is another task that I have a very difficult time with), only to realize I was heading to the dance studio, the opposite direction of the auditorium where the rehearsal was being held.

Exit freeway and merge again into heavy traffic, but at least going the right direction. We arrived 30 minutes late, but fortunately the rehearsal was also starting late. As her class walked by me I noticed one of the girl's pony tails was on the wrong side and made a mental note (like they do any good) to tell the girl's mother. Then I noticed all the girls had their pony tails on the wrong side. OOPS! Now why didn't I notice this when pictures were made last week? Why had I not remembered what the directions said? I am thankful I noticed before tomorrow's recital but I sure felt stupid. It was kinda cute though when she danced to "My God is so Big" with her nonconformist pony tail.

I found out tonight that she's a "reader". (I'm not sure if I didn't remember or whether I never knew.) She is one of the people who will stand in the back with a microphone to introduce each dance (not her own) with a Bible verse. They practiced reading their verses, passing the microphone from person to person on down the line. When it got to Anna, she read her verse in the sweetest little voice I've ever heard: "Be still and know that I am God."

Blue Heron at Misty Dawn

2005-06-03T05:41:00.000-07:00

I am still pensive about our wonderful and restorative trip to the woods and after I have fully digested the experience, I may post more. It was truly a little slice of heaven.

Days until he comes home: 4

Anna Packed and Ready to Go

2005-06-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

We are apparently still going, possibly within the hour! Yeah! Of course, circumstances can change in the blink of an eye, so who knows?

Days until he comes home: 6

Shifting Gears with the Help of Medication

2005-06-01T06:22:00.000-07:00

Well, plans are changing. Samuel, my friend's son, woke up last night with a fever, which is gone now. He was up most of the night and we are waiting for him to wake up in order to evaluate how he's doing before making a decision about our trip to Trout Lodge. Good thing I took my ADD medication an hour ago or I would be totally stressing out. I mean flipping out! I don't normally shift gears very easily. In fact, untreated, I would normally shut down, cancel the trip completely, and be paralyzed for the rest of the day. It is possible that my friend, Dede, would be able to pull me out of it with her great powers of persuasive love; she's done it before. But even then, the shift would have taken a degree of mental transition time for me.

I just looked at David's itinerary for the day and found out he's at the Royal Automobile Club by royal invitation, meeting Prince Michael of Kent (whoever he is), as well as meeting and hearing Sir Nicholas Soames, a member of Parliament and Winston Churchill’s grandson, and Jonnathan Aitkin, former Minister of Defense for Great Britain. He's wearing a suit and tie from 8:00 am this morning until 10:00 pm this evening. He will be attending the West End production of Les Miserables this evening, which is the only thing he's doing today of which I'm envious. Other than that, I'd much rather be in the woods!

We'll just have to be flexible today and go where God takes us... hopefully to Trout Lodge! Anna is not adjusting to the changing plans and the waiting as well as I am and is bouncing off the walls!

Days until he come home: 6

Not quite London, but......

2005-06-01T04:18:00.000-07:00

This morning we are leaving for our own Grand Adventure to... (drumroll please)...Trout Lodge, YMCA of the Ozarks.

My dear friend and her son, with whom we usually go on our Friday field trips, and Anna and I are going on an all-expense paid (by my parents) overnight trip to the woods. All meals and activites are included. Televisions and telephones, however are not. And I just found out that cell phone coverage has not yet reached this remote area.

But we'll have a great time, swimming in the lake, hiking, and just enjoying the woods. Accomodations also include, among many other activities, pony rides, pontoon boat rides complete with a root beer float, face-painting, mini-golf, a water slide, arts & crafts, and a hayride. If our kids were older, we'd also be able to participae in rock climbing, caving, archery, some scary looking thing called an "alpine swing", a ropes course, tennis, golf, boating, riflry, horseback riding and other stuff.

We're leaving this morning and will be back late Thursday. Next post will probably be Friday. I'll try to take some good digital pics, with "try" being the operating word here. I'm not good with photography, not enough patience I'm thinking.

Days until he comes home: 6

David is Prepared for Anything... Almost!

2005-05-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

He unexpectedly called today from a pay phone in the lobby of the hotel this afternoon. I was so thrilled to hear from him! It was midafternoon here and he still had not slept since leaving yesterday. He sounded perky though and said he'd had lots of coffee.

He was the only one in the group who knew how to use his phone card and had a crowd around him, waiting to look at the step-by-step instructions I had typed out for him. I think the instructions only work for AT&T cards though. I had to go online to the AT&T phone card site and find the secret code he had to dial first for each city he might be calling from and then print out the special instructions.

As we had suspected, he can't make long distance calls from his room. The pay phone company automatically deducts 10 minutes from the card for each call he makes and each minute he talks from London deducts 5 minutes. In Paris it's 7 minutes. Before he left I also had to go online and add extra minutes to the card.

When he left he had the following items in his pockets: small bottle of Purell hand sanitizer, small packet of instant soap sheets, eye drops, passport, billfold/money clip, boarding passes, e-ticket receipt, typed flight information, paper with the phone number of the person to page in JFK if he couldn't find the group, and a small medicine vial containing his medication.

He had packed in his carry-on the following items: toiletry kit (including all basic toiletries plus a small roll of toilet paper), first aid kit (including all sizes of band aids, gauze, antibiotic cream, Tylenol, Advil, Excedrin Migraine, Rolaids, Imodium, and Dramamine), complete change of clothing, 20 Slim Jims, 5 packets of chocolate chip cookies, an umbrella, 4 paperback books, his i-pod, digital camera, electricity converter kit, and a travel alarm clock.

Days until he comes home: 7

He's on His Way!

2005-05-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

Loaded Up and Ready to Go

In the Terminal at the Airport

"Yes, I remembered my... yes... yes, it's in my..."

"Goodbye, I Love You"

Heading to Security to Take His Shoes Off

He's Gone

David's Grand Adventure

2005-05-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

He's Gone. He left on a jet, across the ocean, heading for London. He'll arrive tomorrow morning and immediately begin his sightseeing leadership tour.

What if he's exhausted and his luggage doesn't arrive and his clothes are wrinkled and he doesn't like his roommates and he runs out of money and we forgot to pack something important and he can't figure out how to use his calling card and he forgets to take his medicine and he gets mugged at gun-point and he gets appendicitis and I never see him again?

Letting go is the very hardest thing about being a mother. Watching them grow and bloom as you let them go is the most joyful thing.

I love him so much. I'm counting the days until he comes home: 8.

David is Leaving for Europe Monday

2005-05-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

I need to add that I can not and will not possibly earn money or receive any kind of compensation from SLU by writing this blog or including a link to their site!

David is leaving Monday for an eight-day trip to London and Paris with Student Leadership University. I'm getting much more nervous than I had anticipated. He's going to be so far away, across an ocean, without me. I couldn't even go get him if he needed me. I don't have a passport. In addition, the sheer logistics of the planning and organizing are wearing both of our ADD minds down to a pulp.

We had to make flight arrangements from here to New York, where he'll meet up with the group and fly to London. The times had to be coordinated just right and then we had to figure out whether he's supposed to check his baggage all the way through and how he's supposed to get through security in New York when SLU hasn't given him a ticket or a receipt for an E-ticket. (We did get it figured out, but it was certainly a challenge.)

I waited too long to get his passport so we had to expedite it which added significant cost. His grandparents are financing the basic trip, but we've had to provide a plane ticket, passport, new clothes, spending money, and many other small essentials that have added up.

The toughest part has been the organizational challenge. I'm thankful we did at least remember to GET the darn passport. I bought him a phone card, but had to go online to find out how to use it internationally and then type it up for him step by step. The numbers he dials are different depending on where he calls from. Last year we had a problem with him calling me because the hotel phones wouldn't allow long distance calls, even on phone cards. I'll freak if I don't hear from him the entire trip.

I've typed up all his flight information for all four flights. We'll be packing tomorrow from the list we've been compiling for weeks. And I'm still trying to figure out how to pack his new suit without crumpling it. I looked at different sites on the internet and they were all different. I think I'm going to put his shirts in giant Ziploc bags and hope for the best. Last year I used little color-coded dots which I wrote numbers on so he would know what matched and which day to wear it, based on the itinerary. This year, everything except for the suit is mix and match, so he shouldn't have a problem. How can you mess up with khaki pants, polo shirts, and dress shirts?

All of the trouble is worth it though because of the rich life-changing experience he gains through these trips. The first trip, SLU 101 to Orlando, changed the entire direction of his life. He changed from a passive boy, floating along with the current, to a young man with goals and ideas and dreams, along with a passion to reach the stars. He learned that the choices and decisions he makes today affect the outcome of tomorrow. He learned that, with God, he has the power to change the world. He was transformed from an observer in the stands to a player on the field.

Last year for SLU 201 he went to Washington D.C. and learned the history of political leadership in our country and how he can make a difference in our future.

And this year SLU 301 is taking him to Europe where he'll learn more history, interwoven with current events. He'll walk the beaches of Normandy while learning about D-Day. He'll be going to the Tower of London, St. Paul's Cathedral, the Royal Automobile Club, Westminster Cathedral, the Cabinet War Rooms, Churchill Museum, Prime Meridian, British Library, British Museum, Wesley's Chapel, Bunhill Fields, the Eiffel Tower, Louvre, Rodin's Garden, Notre Dame, Warwick Castle, and Oxford. (And many other places... I just got tired of typing.)

Interwoven with the sightseeing will be lectures and talks about the impact of leaders and leadership on history, Christian apologetics and worldview, and lessons on how he can grow into an effective leader.

Here is a quote from their site about what they do:

Designed with the student in mind, we encourage young leaders to commit themselves to excellence, which SLU defines as the ability to rise above self, circumstances, obstacles, change and the crowd. Patterned after leading Fortune 500 corporate leadership seminars, each student is exposed to comprehensive programs focusing on leadership skills such as time and life management, goal setting, dealing with conflict and difficult people, and developing a Christian worldview. Combining in-depth classroom lectures with accelerated learning, interactive workshops and in-the-field edutainment experiences, SLU spans the globe with four comprehensive programs. From the Smithsonian to the British Museum, the Louvre to the Vatican, SLU displays the dynamic role that faith has played in shaping the arts and the culture. All four of our programs are based on the belief that the greatest catalyst for personal development occurs through the people you meet; the places you go; and the books you read.

But no matter how wonderful and educational the experience, my mother's heart won't let me rest until he returns home safe and sound.

Inside Look at Competitive Dance

2005-05-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

The comment on the previous post about Anna's dance studio led me to write this. It started out as an e-mail to the commenter, but I realized that it was getting long and might be of interest to others as well.

One of the reasons we are homeschooling is to avoid the social push for little girls to grow up so fast. As a society, we are sexualizing them earlier and earlier and I want my little girl to stay a little girl until she’s ready for adolescence.

What amazes me about myself is, that despite my strong convictions in this area, I so easily got sucked into the whole dance school and competition culture. It’s frightening to me how easily I became oblivious and accepting of what was going on.

Before the audition for the team, I had even said to friends and family members, in a very judgmental tone, while watching a dance recital that, “I would never let my daughter wear that outfit outside the house, much less on a stage with hundreds of people watching.” Little did I know that in less than a year she would be shaking her tushy on stage wearing a two-piece bathing suit studded with rhinestones and sequins!

Anna absolutely loved dancing and dances in the aisles at church during the opening worship songs. She has moved so many people with her worshipful dancing that a video testimony was made of her and shown at a worship service. She said "My heart fills with God and then it fills with dancing, so I have to dance." No small contradiction to what was happening outside of church, yet I didn't even see it!

Once on the team, they learned how to do shimmy’s and shake their butts before they became proficient at basic classical dance moves like plie’s.

Yet, because all the parents or the girls, and the staff at the school had accepted this as a normal part of competitive dancing, I was easily swayed to change (or maybe just ignore) my strongly held convictions. Oh, sure, I complained to the owner of the studio, to Anna's teacher, and to the other parents. I was told over and over again that the type of costumes and moves they used were what it takes to win. And they did win! When no one else seemed concerned, I just went along with it. I was conformed by the world. I think I somehow justified it in my mind by convincing myself that Anna and I could be "salt and light" to the others.

But I had an ever-increasing uneasiness in the pit of my stomach that just would not go away. I decided that I would not put her on the team the next year, but I would finish out the current year. We had invested a lot of money, time, and emotion and it seemed a waste to pull her out in the middle of the year. Nationals were coming up and I was also caught up in that excitement. I also think my own vanity was involved. I took pride in the trophies and in Anna's dancing.

She absolutely loves performing and just lights up the stage, even if her dancing doesn't show prodigious excellence. What I didn't realize was that rehearsals were becoming more and more pressured. The girl's were being called out by name for inattentiveness and for not trying hard enough and were not having a good time anymore. It amazes me now that Anna never once complained to me or talked about it until we switched schools. Her first question when I told her she was going to a new studio was, "Will Miss Michelle (her new teacher) be as mean as Miss xxxxx?"

Our final parting with the studio came before a major competition. A parent's meeting was called by Anna's teacher and the studio owner. The main thrust of the meeting was that we, as parents, were not committed enough to the team. We missed too many rehearsals, were late too many times, and we actually let our girls stay home when they were sick.

I sat there and listened to two childless young women in their 20's tell me that when my child was sick, I was to give her Tylenol and make her perform anyway. I would be letting the team down if I did not! The owner shared her personal example of the expected commitment by telling us of the time when she was on a competitive team and in the hospital with complications from diabetes and how she pulled her IV and left the hospital to dance in an important competition.

It sounded like they were advocating child abuse to me!

The next day I called the teacher, explaining to her that if Anna was sick, she would not be performing and if this was not acceptable then we needed to quit before it became an issue. She said, "OK", told me goodbye and that was the end of it. No further discussion. No questions. No compromise. Goodbye!

Anna began the very next week at My King Studio. The teacher placed her in the 5-7 year-old class because of her previous experience. Anna went to class and just stood there, refusing to do much of anything, other than socialize with the other girls. It was then that I found out the details of her previous classes and rehearsals. Anna did not love dancing anymore!

We moved her down to the 2-3 year-old "Fun with Movement" class which was basically game playing and free movement, used as an introduction to real dance classes. She loved it!

Finally, this year, she is back to ballet and tap, (no shimmy's and shakes) and is excelling at it and enjoying it again.

Her recital piece is Larry the Cucumber singing "My God is so Big", has a modest costume, and includes no butt shaking. But I am still amazed and frightened at how I was so easily deceived!

Anna is Fine! This photo is from last week.

2005-05-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Deleted Photo

Anna's bite is being treated with cortosone cream, Benedryl, and Augmentin. It's already looking much better. The doctor said there was no way of knowing what caused it. He also said it was difficult to tell if the inflammation was due to a reaction to an insect or to an infection, thus the Augmentin.

This photo was taken last week at when she had her recital picture taken. Her hair has the feel of concrete from all the gel and hairspray it took to get her short hair into a side pony tail. Anna goes to an awesome dance studio called My King Studio. The owner started the school with the goal of using dance as a ministry. They're motto is "Dance with a Christian Attitude."

We pulled Anna from a competitive dance performance tean in the middle of the year last year because of very non-Christian attitudes; racy costumes, pressure to perform when sick, win at all costs, etc. It was a difficult decision at the time because we had poured oodles of $$$ into it and Anna loves to perform. But as soon as we moved her to MKS, such a feeling of peace came over me, I knew it was the right decision.

Next year Anna will get to perform on a liturgical dance team, traveling to different churhes to honor God with dancing. The owner of the school also hopes to eventually form a competition team with the goal of performing in competitions as a witness for Christ, rather than with a goal of winning trophies. I am thrilled with the difference!

Latest in a Month of Crises-Insect Bite

2005-05-25T07:03:00.000-07:00

Deleted Photo

We are taking Anna to the pediatrician this morning instead of going to Bible study. I think scratching may have made this worse than it would have been otherwise. Looks infected to me. She has no fever though, or any other systemic reaction and is crying because she won't be able to play with her friends this morning at Bible study.

This has been a month of putting out fires, one after the other. I'm trying to figure out what God is trying to teach us through all this

In addition to this latest crises, compounded by the fact that we don't have health insurance, we have recently paid a plumber a small fortune to fix our clogged pipes (plumbing pays way better than oil painting does), paid to have my husband's car repaired, replaced the compressor on my A/C (twice--they put in the wrong one the first time), I rear-ended a woman who stopped while turning right on a freeway exit, and last night we were confronted by an angry woman who said we chipped a small piece of paint off her new car with our car door. My DH is being treated for pre-cancerous lesions all over his arms and the back of his hands with expensive topical chemotherapy, applied twice daily (and remember we have no prescription coverage.) I know there's more, but I think my brain has repressed any further memories.

Not a serious personal problem for me, but David's friend dropped his new i-pod which he had so diligently saved his money for, and killed it completely. Fortunately, Apple has great customer service and replaced it without question at the local Apple store, an hour from our house.

Gotta go... we're on the way to see the pediatrician about the bug bite and probably the pharmacy to buy expensive pharmaceuticals to treat it.

New From David

2005-05-24T05:34:00.000-07:00

Linear Electromagnetic Accelerator

David has again reassured me of my safety, but this complicated device accelerated a nail through that Coke can. I was going to try to explain what all those parts are but have already forgotten what he told me. I think that among those components are resistors, capacitors, coiled magnetic wire, and I'm not sure what else. It's powered by electricity, which he says he controls with a knob on a whatsa-meter (I forgot the name of it) and he wears safety glasses so he is actually in no danger.

Am I being gullible or am I just an irresponsible parent?

High Voltage Electricity in my Basement!

2005-05-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

David has reassured me I am in no danger whatsoever!

David's Bigger and Better Tesla Coil

2005-05-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

He has finally finished his very large Tesla coil which generates high voltage electricity. It can generate 18" lightning! And it's LOUD!

Epiphany on Headless Lego Men

2005-05-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

In my last post on conforming to the will of God, I received several comments referring to Romans 12:2 and being transformed by the renewing of the mind.

It suddenly occurred to me that Christ is the head! We are the members of the body and He is the head. The answer was staring me right in the face. Each member has an individual purpose; individual, yet the purpose and movement is directed by the head. Each member is valuable as a unique and distinct member of the body, with a specific function, as determined and controlled by the head.

I thought my inner struggle was one of finding a balance between conforming to the people and culture around me and adhering to a strict individualist attitude, placing my value as an individual at the highest level of importance. I was trying to figure out how to be individual and distinct in the human social structure of homogeneousness surrounding me.

But it's not at all about my individuality as it relates to the human social structure. All the surrounding houses and yards and SUV's and people and clothing that seem so conformist and repulsive to me right now are actually of no eternal consequence at all. I'm expending my energy fighting a vapor!

God made me as an individual to be distinct and valuable, within a body, with Him as the head. There is actually no contradiction whatsoever in the principles of individuality and conformity, when viewed from a Biblical perspective. God created each of us to be both individuals and conformists.

No wonder my Lego Men don't have heads!